Saturday, September 17, 2011

From my Heart

I have been meaning to blog for a long time but i am just not able to write.It is not that i don't have any topics to write about its more like i am afraid to write about them.I realized yesterday that i am writing lesser and lesser with each passing month and i dont want it to be so.

It is more than a year since i got married and  among veterens i am just starting my life hey i don't even have kids.By god's grace this has been a good year.Yet i have seen 3 marraiges fail in front of me and i feel sad.i feel sad because it should have worked out. they were in love.This just gives validity to what many beleive here in India,love marraiges are bound to fail.This makes me sadder.Ofcourse i know many whose marraiges are going great too still....

I think "Just married" is a great movie.Something any new couple can see.I myself have benefitted from the dialogues.There is a scene in which a new friend tells the bride "the first six months are the hardest" and the scene in which after their separation the son comments looking at the album of his parents that how happy his parents were and that he could not get it and the father says something like "the photos are just snaps capturing the happy moments and that they had to work real hard on the marraige  some days.".
I dont know why but these two images really stuck to me.

I beleive every marraige does have a rocky start especially in love marriages as the expectations are higher and interestingly i feel the tolerance levels are lower. Even a small miscalculation on the part of the partner can actually cause quite a harm.I think the best gift that one can give to each other in a love marraige is treat it exactly like a arranged marraige.Sharing a fact , it took an extra six months for me to understand (apart from the 8 years i knew my hubby) that guys will be guys and girls will be girls and their way at  looking at every aspect of life will be different from each others. definitly there will be compramise, infact there should be and that doesnot mean one has changed.

From what i have seen i have learnt that for the marriage to be better with time( and i am talking only about the begining) one has to commit to it. Whether love or arranged once you get married that's it, nothing matters except that whether you willing to commit to it or not. Whether you want it to work or not.Anything else is a bonus.

I have also noticed that husbands are wives not together in the first few months of marriage is not a good idea.Especially in love marraiges.I feel that many problems can arise durng this time and when you are sharing the same room you have to address the issues whether you like it or not.If your love and commitment is strong you will get through it.If not it is easy to not talk about any thing.You meet each other in the weekends and obviously you don't talk about bad stuff .Soon it becomes difficult to talk or confess to the other person.No one likes uncomfortable feelings.And then maybe you start drifting apart.Nothing is worth being apart from the one you have chosen to live with for the rest of your life.not your job,not the society nothing.If it was an arranged marriage one of you would have definitively done some compramise.Surveys have showed that long distance marraiges don't work.Is a job worth it .or Ego???? Anything????

Personally i love this time i spend with him more than the actual honeymoon period . i love the fact that we have adjusted to each others idosyncrosies.I love the fact that we can recognise the danger signals and back off before we get into an argument.I love the fact that we have "changed" for each other.I love the fact that I have adjusted to some of his behavior which has irritated me like hell and the fact that that i know he has done the same.

A rocky start may be there but rocks can make great foundations.By Gods grace this one year was good.Hope the other chapters are as beautiful as this.

Atlast i have written what was in my mind. I was scared to write it .I felt maybe i was too big for my boots.But i write this just to free my mind.I am just starting my life but these are lessons i dont want to forget in future.I write this for me too so that i may remember what it was to be a year old married woman.




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