Thursday, December 20, 2012

On the Search for the name

Yesterday hubby and me were going through baby names. Long time for that still...simply. We needed speicifically religion nuetral names especially which neither sound muslim nor hindu yet sound both hindu and muslim - and it should have good meaning. For girl babies there are lots of options but for boy babies, there sees to be only "aman" which meant peace. We have overused aman so much in the past that it has become boring , I wish we could find some other name. It was so hilarious trying to find names. For every name hubby was imagining how it could be converted by peers in school and whether he/she would have a tough time in school. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried.

We tried names with origins from Arabic,Urdu, Indian, and because hubby was such a fan of Japanese anime , we tried Japanese too. I liked only one name there but that's also a girl name. "Ami" means friend. Nice name no, but too short. I always loved Aaron. But I guess it sounds too Jewish or Christian. One needs to start a website for nuetral names. Actual nuetral names. Someone once told be Kumar had no religious anotation.Please....it is so much a Hindu name. I almost think we should give the child a temporary identification number and then let him/her choose the name he/she wants. That should solve the problem the child might have with the name. I remember how much I used to hate my name. Though I do love it now....hmmmm So any suggestions???








Sunday, December 9, 2012

Reflections (on Choice Marraige)

I was reading IHM’s blog today on the subject of arranged marriages. I really have nothing against arranged marriage. Seems to work pretty well for many. But there is nothing wrong in choice marriages either that's all. Even so I have found people to be ridiculously prejudiced against choice marriages. Let me tell you three incidents which had caught my interest even years after it has happened. Involves people who are not in my life anymore. I don't think there is any chance of them coming upon this blog either;). This is just for showing the mentality of people towards choice marriages.

*****1*****

Someone I know saw a photo of my husband (then fiancé) and remarked "love is really blind". You might wonder why she said it. My hubby is a bit to the darker side and in India - yes the people who cry foul about racism for every silly thing are quite racist themselves. Fairness is next to godliness and darkness is..... Well opposite. Now this person had a typical arranged marriage. The only thing she knew of her husband was his job and his name.
Somehow I could not but compare our situation.
When I chose my husband, I knew him for 8 years. She had never talked to her husband before.
When I saw my husband I knew his character which I had seen first hand.
When she saw her husband for the first time she saw how fair or how dark he was or maybe how tall he was.
When I chose my husband I could at least guarantee that he might be a person who would care for me, respect me and that we had a good chance of being happy together. When she ....sorry her parents chose for her, they saw his job, bank balance and whether he had a steady income. And hopefully he would be a good husband because he seemed to be a good match according to the above criteria and maybe an interview or two.
And yet she thinks  "Love is really blind".
Which marriage has any iota of blindness here????? I wonder. .
Another ridiculous argument I have heard  from people upholding Arranged and denouncing choice marriage is this “Love marriage is a result of physical atrraction, infatuation and lust and arranged marriages are based on careful deliberation on compatibility of whole families and love". "OH REALLY???? Is my answer to this. I have a more detailed answer but let’s not bash arranged marriage; it works pretty well for many people. Again please understand, I am not against arranged marriage, but I am not particularly fond of people getting on a high horse especially when there is no logical reason.

*****2*****

Take this case now. There was this person in my life.  Very modern person in the conventional sense. Had fallen in love once before but she had told her ex bf that she wouldn't get married without her parents approval. In the end he chickened out. She was heartbroken for a while, but being a strong girl, she decided that it was ok.Love doesn’t happen just once. I totally agreed with her. Soon she fell in love again and there also she put the same condition. After some months he broke up with her too. She was heartbroken once again. She wondered why no one wanted to marry her all the while making it very clear to me and her ex-boyfriends that she would marry only if her parents were ok and she had no idea how people could get married without their parents approval. But because of her take on choice marriages I could not understand how she could expect commitment from someone else when she herself could not commit.  Sometimes I feel commitment has lost its meaning out here.

 Someone asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said yes. Then that person asked me if I intended to marry him. I was like "huh????". I didnot know till then that one could have boyfriends for time pass too. When my having a boyfriend itself was considered a crime,in all my naivety, I didnot think that it was ok if I had one for fun. And note something. Indian society seems still ok with having multiple affairs before/after marraige, and dating as long as they marry the person chosen by their parents. If you do so, you automatically become respected more than people who were unscrupulous enough to choose their husbands/wives. How sad is that.




*****3*****



This is the case I felt to be most sad. This person is one reminder for me as to how societal pressure and the father- mother relationship can affect the child. One day around five of us girls were talking about how our futures and naturally the subject of future husbands did crop up. There was this person who wanted a slave of an husband. At first I thought well, to each her own but when she talked some more,something seemed amiss and I blurted out asking her what kind of relationship she had with her father. She said she hated him. And when she explained, I totally agreed with her emotion. A father who is never there, verbally abuses the children, who never gave their timid mother happiness, a drunk forever in debts until the children started earning. Yes, I agree there is no need to love such a father. Love is earned. But here is the irony....
A couple of months later, I got to know that she was in love with a chat friend of hers and he was coming to meet her for the first time. She hoped he was fair and handsome and she was afraid he might be dark. Again, the ever curious me, wondered why she should bother about his looks as from what she and her friends say, he was the totally Bollywood romantic hero who worshipped the very road she walked. He seemed exactly like the guy she wanted. She said, she didnot bother about this looks but her father had to agree. His looks mattered a lot if she took him to her father. The awe with which she was talking about this subject made me curious once again.I asked her," My dear, what if your father didnot agree?"
"Oh, Then I could never marry him. I love my father very much. I would never marry a guy against his wishes."

I could only gape at her.

**********

I understand love hate relationships. It's always there when you love someone so much. But I am not able to understand this weird bond between (some) parents and children. This bond which I know is so prevalent. I see people go through so much mental trauma because of this bond. How can such traumatised people enter a happy family unit and if the building block of the society is compromised how can society itself not degrade? People keep worrying about soceity , why don't they realise that THEY are society?

Why it is that here, a child marrying anyone is seen synonymous to the love they show to his/her parents?
Is that the only way to show the love to your parents? Does it mean that I can take care of my parents, I can care for their feelings and always be there for them, be a good citizen of the world, have good character (which I guess is the ultimate goal of parenthood,) but if I want to marry someone i choose, especially if he/she doensot belong to my community, then automtically I fail them. It will never make sense to me. For some reason, if a by chance, child also has an interfaith marriage, it apparently means only one thing  “They don’t love their parents, else how could they do this to their parents". I have heard it; I am sure many others may definitely have heard it. Is forced surrender out of pressure really love?

Have you began to wonder about the purpose of this blog post which just writes on four people's attitudes to choice marriage? I guess it is one of those posts which mean differently to different people. It might be total garbage for someone, maybe most, but if it affects at least one person,makes atleast one person think, then this post was worthwhile. That’s for you to find out whether this was worthwhile or not. (though I sincerely hope it won't offend anyone. Didnot mean to atleast.)






Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Weaving thoughts

I have been writing a post for the last 3 -4 days but that is almost like a chapter of my autobiography , so you will have to wait until the book gets published to read it ;). Why do only famous people get to write auto bios?; I feel ordinary people's lives must be so  interesting, no? I think ordinary people don't write bios because they feel their live are not worth writing about. Well, if someone thinks so , they are wrong. I would rather read those books than some political leaders'.

I was going through my previous blog which I used to write in college( it's private now). It was sheer blah. Maybe there were just a handful of posts which I would even think of posting in this blog and that too only after some editing.I blush when I read them now. How extremely immature. I wonder if after 10 years I would feel the same about this blog. Anyhow, with the seriously mundane life that I am leading now, I am beginning to think I will be writing a series of blah posts from now on. You know , just so that my darling blog wont die off. Until I find great motivation to do something apart from eating sleeping and going to office, I m afraid I have no other choice. So I apologise first itself before I start bombarding them towards you.

But then I guess, they would be the most honest posts that I would publish....

Talked to my sis for a long time today. It was required. I needed help. I wonder if she thought I was weak. But then I cannot bother about my image to my own sister.That would be stupid would it not. Anyhow ...I am not ashamed of any of my weaknesses you know. It helps me be the person I am. It helps me empathize better, helps me understand others. It helps me not to judge people. Even then, sometimes I do.I don't think people should be ashamed of weaknesses which does no harm to anyone else. World would be so boring if everyone were perfect,no?

Stopping for now
Love Rahmath

PS: I have written only 2 posts last month. Can you believe it. I will definitely write more from now on...even if it is just ....Blah posts.










Saturday, November 24, 2012

When the Dementors come.

I am beginning to understand why I am not able to write anything at all. It's because of the word "I". Self-obsessed right now. Ya coming from a person who writes  a personal blog- you must understand the magnitude . They say in my situation I am supposed to be happy all the time. I am happy. I am satisfied yet; it's as if dementors from the Harry Potter world come visit me at times. For some weird reason, I suddenly feel a great rush of negative emotions, a great need to explain. To talk back, to negate all the nonsense I heard silently that came my way 2 and a half years ago. Which still comes, all because I took the concept of marriage seriously. Yes, I dared marry a guy without the presence of my parents. I was going to type blessings instead of presence.... But that would be wrong, I know, they bless me all the time. Whether I am with them or without them. I know it would not matter to me. I see no reason why it should matter to them.

Do you know what rankles the heart? The fact that you cannot defend yourself. Because of hierarchical issues. Because you don't want to talk back to them fearing worse situations which could be avoided if you would just adjust a little, if you just put up with that kind of nonsense. And the funny thing is it is not even as common as it was before. A single offhand comment which I used to shrug off before suddenly reminds me of everything that I went through. An assumption of bed of roses when it was a path of thorns - Again something which I never felt the need to explain just smile at their ignorance - suddenly irritates the hell out of me. And then every single thread tangles and every tiny thorn begins to prick again.

When I feel myself going into that maze, when faith is of no help and optimism flies through the window, I lift my hands towards him seeking his help and he comes to me and takes me in his arms. "Whatever happens my dear, whatever anybody says", he whispers "always remember, that what matters most is that we are together now."

I rest on his shoulders; I snuggle close to him and calm myself feeling the rhythmic heartbeat of his. "Do you still love me? This whiny weak me" , I ask, "I have always loved you" , he asserts. "Liar ", I tease back smiling through my tears, "You never loved me in college". "Maybe not the way I love you now, But I always knew you were very important to me", he says. And then he starts talking, sharing memories which I had forgotten, memories which I thought my memory retarded darling husband would never ever remember. He talks slowly and softly and my heart calms down concentrating more on his voice than in his words. My body relaxes and I take a deep breath....

Yes, Together....... this is all that matters now.


Touch wood.








Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Goodbye for now

Came for saying goodbye. Going for a break now and I think it will be a long one. Sorry I can't tell you why right now. - not in this blog atleast. Lots of things - new experiences - going on in my life right now. Will not be able to dedicate the time. Will come back. Have made some wonderful friends...Will come back.

Lots and lots of love
Rahmath

Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Good Samaritan

 "A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy's shoulders, to let him know the world hadn't ended."

- Batman to Jim Gordon in the movie , The Dark Knight rises


A few days ago it rained heavily here. Morning we got ready to go the office but the rain just did not show any sign of stopping. So we decided to go to office in auto. Hubby would go to the gate of the colony where autos stood and he would catch one and come and then we would go. My hubby came back and we were on our way.

"Today I met a gentleman". He said smiling softly.

 "The autodriver???"

"No" He said. When he reached the autostand there was only one auto. So he asked the driver if he would go to the station. Just then another man with an umbrella reached too. He also wanted to hire an auto. The auto driver understood that and decided to play up. He asked the other guy where he wanted to go keeping my hubby hanging. The gentle man said." He asked you first , You answer him, then if it's not feasible then I will ask". Then the auto driver answered my hubby and came with him. Before my hubby could convey his thanks to the other guy, he had already left, hailing another auto that went past him.

I have felt Gurgaon to be a place where basic manners are hard to find. I think the greatest challenge here is to keep your decency. I confess, I can't many a times. The normal reaction we expect in this case is the second guy to barge in and then just go in the auto. 'Why should I care about somebody else is the norm'. In fact sometimes it feels as if good guys always finish last here.I don't know if it is so everywhere. At least that's been my experience. But I would be extremely happy whenever this is proved wrong. So,this incident, though small, left both me and my hubby with a warm fuzzy feeling in the heart. My hubby's regret was that he couldn't thank him.

I know the corruption level is high, crime rates are increasing and all kinds of nonsense is going on but we , the people have such power within us to give happiness to others in such small ways....

When someone shows his signal to go right, slow down your vehicle instead of increasing you speed just to overtake him which you would never have in your normal speed.

When someone behind you has only one thing to bill and you have 20, ask the cashier to bill his first.

When there is no place anywhere in the food court, and you are using just two of your seats and there is space in your table, invite those two who are looking for free tables as they may be too shy to barge into yours.

When there is a huge traffic Jam and someone needs a bit of space to go to the other side allow him instead of just moving forward mindlessly.

And when someone does one of these things for you...Smile, acknowledge and say thank you if possible. They may not expect it but make them feel as good as you felt when they did this small thing for you

An unsung hero... the common man...

We have such power within us...

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Of happenings - this and that

Would not it be nice to have something interesting to write every single day. Unfortunately for me , I don't have much to write about. I think it's because of the reduced time I spend in the internet. And the time I do spend, I normally multitask so, the concentration required to write something is rarely achieved.

August was not a good month for us here. First half , I was sick, and second half we were on our toes trying to catch rats that had infested our house when I was sick. It was a very tiring and mentally exhausting time as the traps didnot work after 2 of them were caught. Rats are very very very clever creatures. And even though  (i think) we have got rid of them , I am always scared that we are going to infected by plague or salmonella or something or something which they may have left behind. Too much info is bad you know. I never should have gone and read about them in wikipedia.

It's almost a month yet it feels as if our health has not been regained completely. So, we have started walking- slowly one extra round around the park at a time (6.5 make a km). I feel better with each passing day. It's not as if I am doing some aerobic exercise or my weight is going to reduce, but some kind of exercise is better than nothing I guess. Winter is supposed to be the healthy climate here. Can't wait for winter to come. This time whatever happens, (IGW) I will go to Sultanpur Bird sanctuary. Migratory birds have started to come - the newspapers say.

This saturday , we are going to go to the Delhi Book Fair (IGW). We have religiously gone every year we have been in Gurgaon. The last year we visited, we didnot buy much, yet we go, simply to see.
It's beautiful to be surrounded by these many books and booklovers.

I had registered for an online library recently. Friends of Books. I just got four of their books. I should have got only 2 per delivery according to the plan I am in, so I will have to write to them. Anyhow felt very nice to see them. I didnot think that much while browsing and selecting the books. I just wanted to try it out.

They have sent Four books instead of two. I have to write to them as their website thinks they have sent only two. Felt good to see those books. It feels good to be a part of the library already. I think I am going to enjoy FOB. I registered on 2 nd night and today is 6th actaully they would have delivered on 4th itself but I missed his call. I think 2 days is pretty fast. Perks of living in the Delhi/NCR region - I guess.

I read my diary yesterday. It felt very nice. Someday I will share some pages here.
I wish I had a grandfather or grandmother - I would write letters to them. And I know they would have the time and wish to write long long letters to me too.They might share their views on something and I might share mine. Emails have spoilt somethings. Everyone is used to writing small small mails with 'Wazzup' and 'life's gud here' and 'tc'. Writing long long mails don't work. The thing about mails is that when you don't receive anything back or you receive one liner you kind of tend to get bored na. That's why this blog is important to me. It feels like I'm writing mails.

When was the last time you received a hand written letter?


















Sunday, September 2, 2012

52 Weeks of Happiness - 2

Linking with 



My second entry... 
When it rained after a hot summer....



And my tulasi plant came alive once again with the rains.


My tulasi plant is flourishing now thanks to the rains. And I feel extremely happy every time I see it.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Thou Shall be Judged

If you go against the norms,  people do resist. They may be Judgemental, They may even discriminate. 

If you are thin, if you are fat,
if you are short , if you are tall,
if you  are black or white or brown.
if you look different or act different
if you are a boy or a girl or both,

if you are a vegetarian or non vegetarian,
If you are working or stay at home spouse
if you have had a choice marraige or arranged...
if you are a parent or don't want kids


if you are a women or a man,
if you are happily married or happily not married.
If you are succesful, if you are not.
If you are one of the crowd
if you stand out on your own
if you dare to follow a different path...

my dear
you are going to be subjected to some nonsense at some point.

Was even Lord Krishna spared because of the color of his skin? They decided that Gods couldn’t be black, so they made him dark blue. It’s part and parcel of life. Before you think of yourself as a victim look at the other person, most probably he thinks himself as one too. This I have observed.

I have also observed something else, that it's never about the choice, but it's the person who judges. A meat eater doesnot judge a pure vegetarian because he is a meat eater, it's because he doesnot know he is not supposed to do that when he should.

Aha! See, I too have judged him now.

This exact example I take, because recently I have seen posts berating the attitude problem of meat eaters. I can swear I have gone through the same behaviour among vegetarians when they are the majority. It's always the person who stands out who is judged. It has nothing to do with the choice.

Why one discriminates??? I don’t know,

Maybe we feel threatened. Or maybe our bruised ego needs some mending this way.Maybe it's just previous resentment showing through. Maybe we just don’t know that we actually are discriminating.  That we actually  are hurting someone. Maybe the majority would stop discriminating if only they knew.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Ruskin Bond Children's Omnibus - Book Review

The Ruskin Bond Children's Omnibus
The Ruskin Bond Children's Omnibus by Ruskin Bond
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is the first ever Ruskin Bond book I have read. And I wonder why I have not read any of his books till now. The omnibus had some of his short novels or novellas. I especially liked the Blue Umbrella- the story of the village girl who trades her lucky charm for a pretty blue umbrella from a tourist couple- the umbrella which makes her the envy of the whole village. Ruskin Bond writes simple stories, beautiful from an era I can only imagine. Maybe My father’s time- 1950's or 60's? Reminded me of my childhood. Remembered the time I stole guavas from Pathu uncle’s tree and him coming home to give me a whole bag of guavas after catching me, The time I climbed the tree near our home and made it my temporary home, the time the lady in the small shop in my native place kept 5 cylindrical fryams placed in all my fingers like extra-large ,salty and oily huge rings but strangely extremely tasty at that time.

The stories were very sweet and very simple. The language was simpler still. Do you know one important thing I realized when I was reading the story “the Blue Umbrella”? I was waiting for something to go wrong. I was so used to things always going wrong, that every time I turned a page, I expected something bad to happen. I realized how defensive we have become. It was a great lesson for me. It is a beautiful book. If you want to relax , if you want to go back to your childhood, if you want to go back to the simpler times, yes , this is the book for you. Really really recommend it to everyone. A perfect gift for a niece or nephew or your child.


View all my reviews

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

World is Still Beautiful 1

Sharing a good report from the newspaper "Hindu". These kind of reports makes me feel that whatever negative reports we may hear between two 'enemy' countries, normal people just want peace and harmony. Now that so many people are trying to incite hate this report was quite sweet to read.And seeing that positive reports are so hard to come by, I think I will just post the links of all positive news that I get to read from now on. Simple ones. Hope you will enjoy it too. Won't promise to be consistent but I will try...

And please read the comments too. Most of them are sweet. Especially the one from Mr. Mohan which tells us it's the same the other side of the border too.

Here is the link -

Indian doctors and students give Pakistani patient fresh lease of life

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

52 Weeks of Happiness - 1


OK, this is the first time I am linking to this project though I have been meaning to do it for a long long time. This project is Leigh's idea in which every week she finds something happy and records it by taking a photo. And is she not sweet to share it with us? It's good to find things to be happy about, no? More importantly it is good to recognize that there are so many things which make us happy. Infact I was extremely happy when I discovered Leigh's page. I was searching for something like this. You know that feeling when you search and search and search for something and then suddenly when you lose hope you find it unexpectedly and there is that overwhelming feeling in your heart of relief , of happiness. That's how I felt but I can't take a photo of that feeling so lets see what I can do about it.

So anyhow let me stop blabbering and come to the point....Introducing without further ado....the first photo of one of the things which makes me insanely happy.

1.Silvery Clouds


There is something about clouds that lift my heart... Nimbus clouds, fluffy clouds, pillow type clouds,stratus clouds,clouds of different shapes....  I and my friend Sabi used to cloud gaze when we were children and I guess subconsciously they are linked to happy times. But even among clouds, silvery clouds take the cake. They remind me of the stories of cloud elves whose job is to paint the silver lines on clouds.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Goal 64 - Mutton Biryani for Ramzan

Today is Eid. Technically Eid ul Fitr and Technically it finished when the moon rose today. But for years I have been calling it Ramzan. And this Eid,I did make Mutton Biryani. We had to take leave today as there was no official leave this year. There is something about holidays no. That itself makes one very happy.  It was a good Eid this year. Put Mehandi also this time. Here is a photo. Don't you feel like having some???


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Moving Star

Today I and hubby were on the terrace star gazing and talking when we noticed a moving star. I specifically say moving star becasue it was definitely not a plane. It felt as if it was as far as the stars were and the size of a normal star too. It was not even blinking. We saw it move some 5m scaled from our view and then it disappeared. It appeared and disappeared. Hubby says it might have been a satellite. Apparently people have seen Sputnik when it moves in a particular latitude or longitude or something. Anyhow was weird. I didn't see any shooting stars though. I really want to see one. I did see a flash of light but I am not sure if it was a shooting star. Anyhow the incident was weird enough for me to record it here. We had a clear enough sky today and we have bought a big mat in which both can lie and watch stars. When will I buy a telescope.Sign!!!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Leaving Facebook and a bit of other stuff


Note:  More a mail than a blog post  :)
Hello, sorry for not writing for so long. Was not well last week. Right now life is quite mundane and I am struggling to find anything to write about. I wish I could write about certain characters in my life who entertain me with their antics sometimes. I could really write about SS - the Neighbor aunty and DM - the draftsman I work with. Actually SS is quite an important part of my life and I doubt if I would ever forget her and believe me, I could write a book about her. She taught me what kind of a neighbor one should not be.
DM used to frustrate the hell out of me to an extent that in the end our dealings had become extremely funny. Now, I have learnt to deal with his idiosyncrasies and he has learnt to deal with me as well. I have a good relationship with him now though sometimes he makes me clutch my hair and see red too.
 Rt now, he works with Juniors…
Yoo-hoo,it feels good to become seniors. After three years of being the youngest in the office, it really feels good to have people younger and less experienced than you. Though I must admit, workload has reduced a bit which I am not totally comfortable with. I love having loads of work. An Idle mind is a devil’s workshop, and with an overactive mind like mine, I would rather be fully occupied.
Here recent news is that, I have left Facebook, for now at least. A month ago, i suddenly realized that I had an over load of information. I do have a brain like a sponge (for certain things, especially info of loved ones). And I found that I knew more about my hubby’s family, and friends, than himself. The full impact of this realization hit me when I found that I knew my grand aunt in law’s birthday and my BIL who lives 5 minutes from them did not. I had this overload of info about everyone, people I have not met in years and people I may not meet in future and god knows their friends as well.
And worse of all, I realized that the keeping “in touch with friends”, at least for me, was deceptive. I felt we thought we were in touch with friends but actually we were not. I knew everything of everyone (At least what they posted online) but I did not have a single phone number, I was not comfortable enough to call and say, ‘hey girl, howz life’. How sad is that!!! I suddenly realized I would rather have 20 friends than 200 but those 20 should be someone I could call. I could feel an emotional connection towards them. At that point I felt I was coming out of an illusion.
There were other more important reasons too. I will tell you another thought which crossed my mind. I have a ‘friend’ who is originally the friend of a friend(don't we all have those). We meet sometimes, he calls up, nice guy, and all was fine until we became ‘friends’ in facebook. He was quite active in Facebook and his feeds used to come frequently. The problem was, looking at  the stuff he “liked” I realized that our wavelengths not only do not match, but also move in opposite directions.  Let me give you a small example.
One thing he “liked” was an “I love my India” poster. What’s the big deal you might ask? The big deal was, the poster was of two soldiers – one of India and One of its neighboring country (3 guesses which one). The Indian Soldier was shielding a family from terrorists and the soldier from the other country was killing a family he was supposed to protect. I did not like it one bit(Need I elabarote why???). And I did not like the mentality which prompted him to “like” such a pic.  Every time I talked to him after that I remembered this and other things he had "liked". And yes, I judged him. And I wondered if I wanted to be friends with him at all.
I am not a saint and I am not Zen. I have not yet conquered myself that I can stop myself from judging anybody. But I don’t want to think negative. I don’t want to think bad about others. I may meet him only once in 6 months. I may talk to him maybe 20 sentences in a year. Why should I poison my mind with such thoughts and that too thoughts which have no significance in our relationship? I have not yet learned to control the feelings that such information invokes in me so I might as well cut the source of unnecessary info until I do learn. Sometimes, Ignorance Is bliss. There is enough good Vs evil fights going on in our minds, why invite more unnecessarily, no?
Our mind is filled with too much clutter nowadays. I am on a de - cluttering spree… For now I am out of Facebook. If one is not enjoying it, what’s the point of having an account huh!
I know, One can regulate stuff in facebook ,block in such a way that nobody knows they are being avoided, blocked or so on.... But this is what I choose now. And the way it has been going , I don’t regret it.
 Have started reading again in all the free time I am getting now. Hubby bought me DC Comics Batman series Chronicals – Vol I. loved it. I want to read the Phantom Series too but unfortunately I am not able to find the old ones in stores. Have started reading Ruskin Bond’s Omnibus for children. I can see why people like his stories so much. But more about it in another post :)
What’s up at your end???

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Friendship


I wanted to write a nice mushy post on friendship day about the most beautiful friendship I have…… with my husband, all about our time together for the last 10 years from how we met, how we became friends and everything…. But I am sick, and I am almost bed ridden and I am tired. And he has been taking care of me with utmost devotion. My pal My friend, my husband.



Happy Friendship day everyone…

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Tables Turned

It’s weird how each and every one of my friends are recent proud parents of girls. Every one of them. It's as if Nature is trying to balance the ratio. Of all the female feticides going on she is making sure all the others are having girls. But the question is will their mates have the same kind of parents. Ok totally judgmental I know. But it's weird. Around 5 -10 people. All Girls. Now I have no problem with girls of course, I being one but sometimes I wonder, is something going on under the surface which we don't know about!!!! Where are all the baby boys???

Talking about girls, something happened this time I went home. So Amma had an operation and I was there to take care of her. We had just finished breakfast and I was taking some rest before starting lunch when suddenly my mom who was in deep thought suddenly said " rahmath, You should take care of your MIL very very well".  "Obviously amma, I will take care of her. But what made you say this suddenly out of the blue" I said

"Poor lady, she has only sons. She does not have any daughters"

I started laughing out loud. My My, How did this happen??? For years and years of hearing how unfortunate women with girl children are, I suddenly hear, from my mother (who has heard it so many times too and somewhere deep in my heart  I wonder sometimes whether she believed those idiots who told her that…hmmmm I digress where was I?, ya I suddenly hear, from my mother ) that it's unfortunate that someone has only sons!!!!

"This is something that I never thought you would say. How did your analysis change suddenly? I asked.

"I have seen so many cases. In the end, it is only the daughters who are there. Sons are not. You should take care of her well. That's all “she said.

I assured her I will though I also made sure she knew that my MIl and FIL, had brought up their sons well and that no they didnot need to depend on their DIL's to take care of them. Their sons would do that quite well without the help of their wives. Still, I promised her I would. (Guys, you must not get angry with my mom for saying this. We are what we experience in our lives. Her recent experience was such)

But for some one like me, who has heard the dialogue "'only girls, so sad' or 'oh, no boy? ' " 'oh nowadays girls are equal to boys, so it’s ok' said in that condescending tone" some100 times, well this was a sweet revelation from my mom (even if it's not entirely true.)

How the tables have turned!!!

Monday, July 30, 2012

5 Random Thoughts

It's weird how it works the same all the time. I try hard, hard and then in the end I give up and then ... it happens. Always always. I was trying to write an about me page for so long. I gave up and the next day I wrote one.But I can't give up simply ok. I have to try my very best.

There was no power today from 2:30am till 7:00 pm. Thank God it came now and thankgod we had office. Some Northern Grid power failure. 7 states didnot have power. But it's coming back now. Well..... Happens.

It's as if my day dreaming has been set free now. It was with great difficulty that I had stopped day dreaming. But this post seems to have brought it back . From when I have read Marcy's comment for the post Real India I have been day  dreaming of what places I will show to my friends who come visiting, especially someone from outside India. Where all I will take them if they give me two days.

There is a rat in the house yaar.... We just caught one and released it far away one week ago. This one seems huger and more clever. One rat every six months please. This is irritating.... but it's a part of life so well, I am not freaking out. There are mice even in Tom and Jerry.

Read a really really nice post.It's about   "Dressing down to save your soul".  by Purba. But you know this article is really relevant nowadays with so many cases coming up about moral polices out to get girls in the name of girls violating Indian Culture. So I hope my readers/loved ones will take time to read it.


Sunday, July 29, 2012

An Imaginary Day away from the crowd



Linking with Mommy Y - Me Linky for the very first time. For this prompt, I have to write about a Me moment. I love the fact that I can also write a fictional Me moment. It's a long time since I used my imagination, so writing this in itself was a true Me moment for me. Thank you Jennifer for giving me this opportunity.

When life gets a bit hectic or I am feeling overwhelmed, I close my eyes and I get transported to this place.

 I find myself in a log cabin somewhere in the higher grounds near the mountains maybe. It’s morning and the sunlight comes in from the eastern windows. The cabin is round and quite bare. It has a round wooden table and two tasteful chairs. Yet it looks extremely cheerful with flowers adorning small vases mounted on the walls.

I open the door and the sweet fragrance of the pink and yellow chameli flowers float into the room. It looks like it has rained slightly last night for the ground is a bit wet and the plants are drying in the sun. I sit on the steps of my porch and I see a cup of filter coffee just beside me. I sip it slowly and take in the beautiful scene blossoming in front of me. I breathe in the fresh air and I sign contently.

I see rows of blossoms, petunias and cosmos of different colors on either side of a stone pathway leading to a namesake fence with a namesake gate. Butterflies fluttering from one flower to another- red, black, blue and yellow… Big ones, small ones, round ones, swallow tailed ones…Bees buzzing, small birds chirping….A small breeze making the leaves dance….

My my… if this is not life then what is…

I finish my coffee and walk on the pathway. I see a small weed growing between the stones. Should I remove it; I think for a moment but then my heart fills with pity for this little one who has grown against all the odds. It has to be done someday… but not today. I think and I move one. I inspect the leaves, and flowers, kiss one or two resisting the urge to kiss them all. Then I stand up and I take a huge step and I cross the shrubs and am in the Yard. Flowering trees adorn the edges and Hydrangea’s grace every corner.
I walk along the fence and I reach my back yard. This is not maintained much and it’s pretty wild here. But I love this too. Here there is greener than the front yard but this jade is as precious to me as the flowers planted in rows. Vines of yellow flowers and red trumpet creepers remind me of my childhood. A wild mulberry tree sustains my awakening hunger for the time being. Oleanders with soft baby pink flowers catches my eye as it stands surrounded by vibrant colors of dark green, red and bright sunny yellow.

At one end of the yard I see a huge tree with branches spread so wide that a whole wedding party could be accommodated under it's branches. Only a part remains inside the yard though. The leaves are strewn on the ground, I guess from last night’s rain and are a bit wet too. Still I take a broom lying nearby and sweep the leaves to a pile. I see the broom has made patterns on the wet yet firm ground and I try to make some more patterns with it. Then I see a swing , made of sturdy coir rope and a flat piece of wood for a seat, hanging from one of the stronger branches  I keep my broom aside and sit on it and begin to swing slowly… to and fro…. to and fro….

to be continued





I Give up

Ok , I give up. I give up completely. I have been desperately wanting to write an About me page. But it's true... when a person starts describing oneself everything flies out of the window. It would be so easier to just talk to people. It's funny. I write stuff close to my heart, I write about what I think, yet not able to write an about me page. I give up. It's 12:20am. Going to Sleep. Tata Bye Bye....

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Real India


What do people mean when they say “We want to see the real India”. I guess what it means is that they don't want to go to the prominent tourist destinations or stay in a five star hotel or travel in an ac car. But I sometimes wonder what is the real India they talk about. Is it possible to see a country , to feel a country which had evolved over 1000's of years - literally in 2 weeks time.

Forget India, is it possible to see any country in so little a  time. I have gone to Dubai and Sharjah . and their history was around 60 years at that time i.e after the oil boom. But what about before that??? What about the oasis and traveling through the desert? What about their day to day life? What more treasures are there over there???? In America, we spent 2 weeks in Washington and a day in New York. But apart from an overview is it possible to know such huge countries where one end may have one history , one culture and another end may have something else.

Coming back to the case of India.  I am so glad for the all India tour in my college, for at that time I got to see some parts of India. But again that's just a parts in North and South of India. What about East and West. The East of India is so shrouded  and I have absolutely zero idea about the Seven sisters (States :  Assam, Meghalaya, Tripura, Arunachal Pradesh, Nagaland, Sikkim and Manipur). I myself don't know anything about real India how am I to show it to someone else????

When I was a kid I used to be thrilled whenever I read references of India in classics. I read more English Books  of 1900 's. Most of the protagonist would be related to someone who held some post in British India and India was an exotic place of snake charmers and tiger skins . I always used to wonder...where are the snake charmers now???? Maybe you see them in Villages. I myself have seen them only in TV. Maybe they used to be there in 1900s. Then I grew up and was introduced to movies.
Recently in the last 5 years there are three movies which showed India. Outsourced, Slumdog Millionere and very recently Best Exotic marigold Hotel. Which among these showed something closest to real India in my opinion? It is the movie Outsourced followed by Best Exotic Marigold hotel and then followed by Slumdog Millionaire. But there is something I always wonder of the music associated with India. Every time they show India in any channel like discovery or National geographic or History, I hear this sitar or veena music- purely north Indian classical , spiritual types. The funny thing is, I hear these only in these programs. Even the music is different in each area. Can they be generalized?

Coming back to the point.

What is real India? Is it present day  India or  50 years ago 100? 200? 500? 2000? Or maybe even more???Is it its religions? The gods? The temples? Mosques and churches and Jain and Buddhist and Sikh or many more? Is it the cultures, tribal or urban or rural or those belonging to different states? Is it the villages, cities or metros?

Is it the mountains or sea or farmlands or forests , plains or hills, is it drought ridden areas or rain flooded areas??? Is it the slums or extremely posh houses in different places of the city. Is it crowds everywhere or the bare villages in rural India where one does not see anyone.
Are the tall buildings or thatched houses or made up houses of plastic, aluminum sheets and newspaper. Is it the Volvo buses or the bullock carts or maruti cars or government run buses , even they vary from state to state??? Is it the dresses, the food??? The people????

I got a cultural shock when I came to North India. And I am an Indian- still so different it is from my own place.

In whose perspective do you want to see India from, the perspective of  a poor laborer, the orphan children on the streets, the middle class , the "upper middle class" or the rich or the powerful? Of a person who has grown up in villages or towns or cities or metros? I personally see the middle class India because I belong to it. And as it is with human tendency, where we belong is the one we think is prevalent.

A friend had commented some days ago that it is difficult to find any country with a greater cultural heritage than ours.( those were not his exact words but I think that’s what he meant). I wondered why because are they not many countries as huge, maybe be huger than India, so would it not be so there too??? Then my husband suggested , ‘though he doesn’t believe India has any monopoly over the greatest cultural heritage, it does have a rich and varied heritage most probably because India or rather the Indian Subcontinent was home to organized human settlement for a long and continuous period of time.’ Time enough to evolve into different cultures. Maybe India has been the home of people from the west, east, south and north and every culture has amalgamated to form something new. Maybe….

Recently a foreigner joined our office. He was extremely amused about the pigs he saw in the roads. He associated that with India (at least that’s what I felt. And I will admit , I became instantly prejudiced. I felt he was stereotyping India, You know apparently all Indian roads have animals blocking the roads J). I did not say anything as I thought it might be rude or maybe I was being over sensitive. But then  another friend who was not of Indian origin remarked (which made me feel better)  that if one goes to Delhi , one won't find any pigs anywhere.

So , to conclude, I think one finds what he seeks in this place, you might find some common things but mostly it will be things which you want to see. The country has lots to offer so actually it's  totally up to you to choose. Whatever you choose is the real India....Only a small part though. I guess that it is so when you visit any country in this world…

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Because I felt like Writing

It's one of those times when one feels like writing all the time yet, has nothing substantial to say. What should one do at that time????

Just Write...

The German GP will start in 10 minutes and I am going to be subjected to roaring machines zooming cars and a super excited Hubby.  Why don't people show these in advertisements? Such stereotyping in ads. Wife crying over some Soap Opera and hubby chatting in the mobile phone about cricket scores. With all the things girls are supposed to do, obsess about shopping, about their looks, gossip about who is going out with whom, who is doing what in which soap opera, seriously , I am beginning to doubt if I am a woman at all. I don't do any of these things. One day I was dropped off in the market by a colleague and he asked me what I was going to do as I was not with my hubby that day. I said I had some work. And he said "oh Beauty Parlor????" I was like huh!!!!

Sometimes I feel sorry for the guys. They simply have no clue. I sometimes think I should write a Guide for Guys 101. Actually Unmana has written something I wish all guys could read here.

The Formula 1 GP has started. I am actually beginning understand these things. Next time there is an Indian GP, hubby and I are going to go. He had a great time last time. I had stayed back. This time hopefully I will be able to go with him.

What a good movie can do for you!!!! I really felt so happy after coming back yesterday from the theater. I still feel happy. Talking about Happy, yesterday I got this link from Marcy's blog - Leigh Vs Laundry. She has this super project of 52 weeks of happiness. Every week you take a photo of something which makes you very very happy and then link it to her blog . I am so excited about this and I intend to take part in it. A reminder of things that make us happy is a very good thing , don't you think? I had written a poem/song long time ago about things that brought me happiness. Will post it someday. I love such prompts.

The Joy of Giving Cards by Ritu and Marcy's Scene from a Memoir are some prompts I take part whenever possible. Jennifer has Mommy - Me Prompt but I think because I am not a mommy I am not qualified because, well, all my time is a Me time. If I had not been such an active participant during my niece’s babyhood, I might have thought that being a mommy was quite a glamorous prospect. Well I know better. Anyhow If God Wills, maybe I will be taking part in all mommy bloggers prompts someday. Skywatch Friday is also a great prompt for people who love skies and photography.

Yesterday I bought Linda Good man's Sun Signs. She has written all good good things about my Sign. (Aries - if you are wondering which it is. True Arian - I am) So I like reading it. It doesn’t do any harm for yourself to be praised a bit you know. In fact , I believe that if you don't love yourself , you cannot love anyone else. Start everyday with one thing you love yourself for. Do so every day for a month. You have to be Specific. You should not say " I love myself because I am a good person". Nope. What is it about you that makes you a good person? Is it that you are not jealous of anybody, or you don't tell lies. What exactly makes you a good person?

Self Esteem is so important, is it not? Hmmmm… reminded me of another post. If you are feeling a bit low, you should read this. This post is full of links is it not?

Talking of Links, I have been desperately trying to write an About me Page. Apparently one of the worse mistakes of a blogger is not having a about me (AM) page. But I have been very very unsuccessful. I have read different kinds of them - precise AM's, Long and lengthy AM's, crisp and short AM's but still can't write one. I wish someone interviewed me. I would use that as a "AM". In fact here is what I would like to know when I read your blog.

Here are my 9 Questions for you .
 
1. What's your name, and where are you from and what do you do?
2. How would you describe yourself as a person? (if it's a personal blog)
3. Why do you blog?
4. What do you blog about?
5. Who is your target audience or do you write for yourself first?
6. Can you give me a sample post from each of the labels you post?
7. What kind of blogs do you follow?
8. How do you like your comments?
9. Do you Intend to write a book someday?

If anybody wants to answer these questions, please do and please don't forget to leave a link to your blog in the comments section. I love reading blogs. I will definitely read yours (as long as it is not about marketing or politics)

I will stop with this for now. I have a feeling I will be posting every day this week.I might as well leave something to write about. Have a wonderful week ahead!


















Saturday, July 21, 2012

The Dark Knight RIses

 Went to see "The Dark Knight Rises". LOVED it. Loved the climax too. I did not know Anne Hathaway was Catwoman and it was a very pleasant surprise for me. I do like her very very much. She has a very happy face,don't you think. Loved her in this role. I think I was more interested in Catwoman than Batman in this movie. I think it may also becasue I was extremely disappointing with Halle Berry's Catwoman. I never thought SHE would give such a disastrous performance and reduce Catwoman to ...well .... nothing. Anyhow back to this movie.  Loved it Loved it Loved it. Didn't know that there was any scene in India so I was quite surprised to see familiar forts.

 I thought Everyone Acted perfectly and suited the role to the mark. Worth a watch if one likes superhero movies.

Was so happy today. It feels really good to watch a good movie after so many days. Now I feel like reading DC Comics once again.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

5 Random Thoughts

- For the past two days the blog has seen some activity . Scared me a bit at first because, for someone who get 10 page views a days, 10 times 10 is a bit too much. I think it is becasue of my previous post. But one of the comments by a friend worried me a bit. It was not meant to be against parents as a whole. It was about the most common argument one hears. It was just a counter argument. Unfortunately the system seems to be " if you are not with us, you are against us." "If you question , means you hate". True in religion , patriarchal societies, everywhere. Well it will blow off soon.

- Bought the laptop table from E bay. Really required, as I don't have a table of my own. It's a bit flimsy but will do for now. Will have to see how long it will survive. But as of now, it's good.

- Saw the movie "The best Exotic Marigold Hotel." Loved the movie. It has many of my fav actors so it's not a very big surprise that I liked the movie. And i like seeing India  from the perspective of a foreigner and this movie was better than many others in that respect. Sometimes I feel as if I should explore India through the eyes of an outsider. But it's so vast. And so different. US is extremely vast too.... Is it culturally that different too?. Like here North , East, South and West all differ from each other so much. Must be so in US too. Would love to visit Africa sometime...

- I was thinking today of the wonderful people I have met through the blogging world, from different parts of the world. It has been a very rewarding experience. Have learnt a lot from them. 

- Have to start concentrating on my 101 Goals again. Had slacked off a bit.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

9 Arguments against Choice Marraige and What I have to say to them.

Someone I know has gone to break the news to his parents that he is in love and wants to marry the girl of his dreams. He is so scared. I asked him what he would do if they refused- a scenario which is highly probable. “Then marriage cancel”, he said laughing trying to lighten the situation. Why is it such a big deal for someone to marry someone they love?  I have heard so many arguments so many times from so many people.

“Marriage is not a game”.
Yes, that what I have to say to them too. Marriage is not a game. You cannot force your children, or your siblings or anybody else to get married to people whom you think is good. The children should marry who they want to. Do they even realize what implications a forced marriage and broken dreams have on future generations? 

"You will adjust” "People always adjust" they say.
Yes..... They adjust but do they live happily? How can they live happily if their very basic freedom in choice of lifelong mate is taken away from them?

"Compromises are a part of life".
Yes, but let the compromise be something that one chooses. Let that freedom go to the one making the compromise.

Someone else I know fell in love with a girl of another religion. “We will accept your decision but let the proposal come from the girls side” - the parents of the guy said. Do you think it happens so in India??? She waited, and he waited, in anticipation for almost a year. No one took any move. They waited for the parents to do something. The guy’s parents waited. After 8 months, the girl's parents who had kept her in house arrest married her off. He is heartbroken. He smiles, he behaves as if he has moved on. Will he ever? Will he ever love his wife the way he loved this girl? Even if they had broken up naturally, it would have been ok. But now, in this situation, totally romanticized tragedy, don't you think he will compare his wife every time with this girl (unless he fell in love again). What if his wife realizes that her husband is comparing her with some lady in a pedestal.

I know, I know,

“He will learn to be happy”.
Apparently loving somebody naturally is not desirable. One has to LEEEAARRRRNN. In case you didn’t get it, it was sarcasm.

 "The probability of love marriages failing is so much higher if the parents don't support."
Then why can’t people just support them. Marriage - whether love or arranged need guidance.  A marriage does not fail just because it is a love marriage. And just because two people stay married does not mean it is a success.

 "The Divorce rates are so high in love marriages"
"Yea, because there is no compulsion there to stay together and with so many rooting for it to fail... Half the arranged marriage sticks through the initial years due to societal and parental pressure. So many words of encouragement “Adjust, it will get better, do this, do that, it's ok. It happens; he may not have meant that, she may be just stressed”... So many words of encouragement which if half given for love marriages would have saved so many. And yet you put the blame on love marriage. No ....No that's not right.

"You will leave your parents of twenty years for a guy whom you met 2 years ago"
Well you don't seem to have a problem when she leaves her parents for a guy she met for say 2 months ago that too in her betrothal ceremony which lasted say 2 hours, which her parents arranged. Frankly speaking this is the silliest argument I have ever heard. If anyhow I have to leave my parents, at least let me leave with someone I want to liv my life with. Another thing is why keep comparing the years that's past. 20 years yes, what about the future 40 years??? And HOW on EARTH can these two relations EVER be compared?

"You will abandon us for thaaat person"
Who is talking about abandoning anybody? Children are not the one talking about cutting of relations. He is not abandoning you, you are throwing him out. Let’s get the facts clear here please.

"See he had a love marriage and see he is regretting it now"
I was alone in the reception hall, surrounded by my husband’s family- all new faces and not even one from mine.  I smiled and laughed and no one who saw me that day would ever realize what I must have gone through that whole day. I didn’t cry. I didn’t allow myself to feel alone. I had my God with me. I vowed that day that we would win this battle. That we would make this marriage work and even if it failed, we would fail in such a way that even the winners would want to lose. No one who knew us would tell other aspiring couples "see - love marriages fail..."

We completed two years of togetherness this July. By God's grace it was not very difficult. Remember us in your prayers..... Bless us....We so need it. 

I have a pot of prayers and good wishes, you see... Will tell you about it someday.

I can write about this subject for pages and pages and pages. I had buried these feeling in my heart for years. But when I see others having to undergo the same silly arguments again and again and again..... When I see dreams shattering, hearts breaking for no solid reason which makes any sense..... I feel like screaming at every single one of them. 

But I keep quiet and calm and remain dignified to the best of my capability for one slip on my part and they will point fingers at others like me too.