Wednesday, January 30, 2013

5 Random Thoughts


They say that if you make a wishlist, the chances of you getting them is more. I think it is true. I wrote a wishlist and within a day , I bought one of them - the Kitchen Tissue Holder. As my birthday is coming in March and my sisters are coming from abroad and my ILs always buy something for me everytime they visit or someone visits, what you say I write a list for myself, my hubby and family and friends huh ;).

1.  Lint cutter
2.  A small crystal vase which can accomodate 3-4 flowers. Empty Ketchup bottle dont satisfy me anymore.
3.  A square tissue paper holder for our bedroom.
4.  .....That's it???? I thought I had a longer list!!!! Will make a separate post for this. I guess I have to think

Anyhow long term wishlist.

1. A small printer/scanner
2. A comfortable couch in which I an d hubby and cuddle in front of the TV.
3. A nice chest of drawers/TV stand


That was a biiiiiiiiiig random thought was it not? .Well had to write it down. It was cluttering my mind.


I am having a gala time reading blogs now. Many of my Fav blog authors are a part of 30 day writing challenge , so I get to read their posts everyday. Sadly it is coming to an end soon. I want to write everyday too. But it is such a commitment that when it is not possibel for me to cough up a decent number of posts for the last couple of months, it would be over ambitious of me to take up this challenge. But I do want to publish something with more frequency. So I will try, even if I have to raid my old blog to find some everygreen posts.


Wondering what to tell the cook to make tonight. Had thought of making Semiya Upma for tomorrow morning, so thought of telling her to cut onions and all, but then what about the sambar vegetables which have been cut????? and the Dosa batter in the fridge????. Then what about the lunch tomorrow???? Too many things to plan nowadays. Earlier the lunch was not an issue because our mess food was good, but now it's so pathetic that I can't eat and when I can't eat , I am in a state of perpetual hunger. And it is definitely not good being in a state of perpetual hunger right now. So we are slowly making the transition to eating home-food for lunch. Phew, It's something I thought only moms can do :) Sandalous.... I know. 28 year old cannot bring her own lunch? Any new change takes time for me,especially if it involves me getting up earlier or doing any extra work :-p


Oh the name Ishaan is taken. Remember my post "search for a name". We were getting slighlty inclined towards the name Ishaan but I was a bit confused becasue, in Sanskrit it means Vishu and in Persian it means God's gift, but was not getting enough references. I definitely didnot want to put a religious name. Anyhow one of my classmate's son is named Ishaan so obivously we won't use it. Guess God decided for us :) Good. I like it when he decides. Little less headache for us.
So we were thinking again when my hubby said (jokingly) 'lets put Krishnan '. Now we have to be totally unbiased, So I said ( there are certain things I don't agree even as a joke.It might become true and I am adamant that the baby should have a non biased name), "oh then we will add Mohammed in front of it." Then I remembered that passports need 3 names so .... "Why not put  Mohammed Abraham Krishnan. His friends can call him Mak , My parents can call him Mohammed, Your parents can call him Krishnan, We ourselves will call him Abi and it syncs with what we believe in". And you know what ?.... The weird part was that we didn't feel it was stupid. In fact MAK actually fit. For the first time I felt a name fit. Hey! if people can name their children Alpha, beta and Omega why not MAK. Are only physicists allowed to put out of the box names????  If we were a wee bit eccentric maybe we would have put that name but then I guess it is not fair to the child. What if he does not even care about this? But we will sure tell the baby (if its a boy ie) that it was the name we chose and if he wants he can embrace it in future. I sure hope our children inherit our wackiness, otherwise they are going to think we are some kind of aliens.hmmmm....
****A Quick Prayer****
Stopped searching for the name by the way.Will do it later.Am so afraid of jinxing anything. Only priority is a healthy baby , mental and physical. Nothing Else dear Lord, Nothing Else.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Bird's Nest?

What would you do if you have nothing to write about? Go for a walk. Last week we resumed our after lunch walks. Normally I club this walk with bird watching. However I must say that I have been seeing lesser and lesser of the birds. Maybe because two three companies have started which means more people = less birds. So I was pleasantly surprised when I got to see this bird's nest.

I did not know that bird’s apparently abandoned their nest if someone touched them. In my excitement I did touch it because I thought it was abandoned. When my friend cautioned me, I got scared. I researched in the internet for quite a long time and got confusing conclusions. So to be on the safer side I guess, it is better to let a nest be. However, this Monday, I saw it again  and it felt as if some more work had been done on the nest. V said it may be an abandoned nest. Don’t  know. I took a photo and left.

Anyhow, Now I intend to  ignore it completely (apart from sneaking a look occasionally during my walks) because apparently over interest from human's part will interest other predator birds too. But I must say , it was not  very well hidden or anything. I will wait for a month or two. and if it is meant to be, I will then add it to my treasures. In USA they have laws for taking nests but I don't think it is there in India. Do you know anything about it?

Which bird? No Idea. Definitely a very small one because the width of the nest itself was maybe around 5 -7cms. Will be very glad if someone could help me out in that area. The descriptions of the nest matches with this bird, though again I must add,  I have never seen a bird like this during my walks!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

When you are in Love....

Yesterday we went to the mall in the evening to buy a washing machine. (The model we wanted was not there but  have almost decided what we want. Going for Samsung, Top Loading, Anyhow...) I was feeling extremely hungry and was craving for a masala corn. I was originally craving for a "something" hotdog but after my very recent infection decided to play extra extra safe and not have hot dogs too from outside. (My list of things to eat later on is growing day by day now). Anyhow fortunately for me, the corn stall was just near the lift and so I and hubby settled for our respective snacks in one of the benches in front of the lift. The other bench was occupied but a young couple who I didnot give a second glance because....well why should I?

After sometime this couple got up to leave and pressed the lift button. While they were waiting, suddenly the guy pulled the girl beside him and they both looked at themselves in the mirror near the lift. They looked so sweet and happy that I ... I was transported to 3 years back, when the hubby and I, did the same thing while we were going to get married. Just to see how we looked together. Just to imagine how people will see us in wedding photos  or in parties or just like this in the mall. It was so so sweet. My heart welled with happiness for them. I wished them happiness in my mind.

But unfortunately, the guy saw me looking (I was sitting just behind them) and got a bit self concious. Fortunetely, the lift came and both of them jumped in , the girl still having the twinkle in her eyes. I quickly shared it with my huuby and I wondered to myself why we didnot do it anymore. It was only 2.5 years. But then I realized we still do it sometimes. But, in front of our bedroom mirror.

Ah, young love. They gave me such happiness. They reminded me of times gone by...

Monday, January 21, 2013

Just Human

Note: 'Atha' means father in our place. Not to be confused with 'Athan' used in some places of Tamil Nadu which means a totally different relation.

Do you remember the time when you were a kid and your parents were this superheroes. They could never be wrong, they knew everything in this world, they could get you anything you wanted( if they wanted to get it for you that is). They were just SUPER.

And then there comes this understanding that they too are human. They too make mistakes. They too need not know everything. They too cannot have everything.

Yes. My father was is my Superhero.(OK, one of the superheros, my hubby too is a super hero to me now). And I still remember the  moment I realised that maybe my father was human too.

I am not sure exactly how old I was. My elder sister was at home so I am guessing she was either newly married or near that age. So maybe I was around 13. The current had gone and it had gone for sometime. I, my Father and my sister were out in the courtyard. I was walking round and round the yard. "Atha, why is the current not there?" I asked.

"I don't know" he replied

"Atha, why is the current not there?" I asked

"I don't know" he replied once again with a odd voice( Did I not hear him the first time???)

"Atha, why is the current not there?" I asked yet again vaguely conscious that my sister was looking at me as if I was mad.

"How many times should I tell you? I DON'T KNOW" He said sounding slightly irritated by now.

"WHY did you akeep on askign the same question????" my elder sister asked laughing at me.

I was surprised too. Why exactly did I do that? Then I understood why. The words "I don't know" from my fathers lips, did not make sense to my brain. I could not process that sentence. I needed an answer, Any answer, even a maybe answer would do. but when my father said "I don't know" , he could have been talking in french for all my brain cared.

It was then I realized that , that I had thought my father was a super, and then I realised that maybe my father was also human, maybe my father did not know EVERYTHING, my parents need not have everything, my parents could make mistakes too, could feel angry, could feel sad, could have the failings too.

And I don't mean this in the wrong way. I think it is grossly unfair for parents to be thought as super heroes. I think it is grossly unfair to anybody who is put into the category of "super". Sometimes I see children make unreasonable demands from their parents,unreasonable expectations from their parents(the same unreasonable expectations such parents have from their children), especially the mother and I feel so very bad for them. Parents have their life too you know, Children should realize that. I realized that in my midteens only , even then I have been guilty of forgetting that because my parents themselves didnot realize that  they had a life of their own. We were more important for them, more than themselves.

Now I am on my way. IGW, soon (well not thaaat soon) I will be a mother too. At what age and when will my baby realize that his/her parents are human too.I wonder! And here I have already made my first mistake. I ate fish from outside ignoring my instincts , caught an infection and had to have antibiotics. Antibiotics after the first trimester is OK but still ,,,,,  Somehow.... NOT OK. Guilt - another effect of parenthood? I guess so. Poor parents, they do have it hard.

Pray for us.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

On Why I started this blog and the Rambles following that.

Note: I wrote this a long long time ago but have refrained from posting it. I felt it didnot go with the content my normal posts. But today I got a reminder that this is a part of my life. I may not mind it but it is. Hence I publish this.

Do you know the actual reason why I started this blog?  I was bombarded with how difficult life was going to be for me, because inter-religious couples apparently don’t fare well. There are too many differences and too much societal pressure, and without the family support a marriage was doomed to fail atleast that was the preview. I started this blog with the intention to record whatever happened so that I would know if it was true. In my case, it was not and soon I found that I was facing no more problems than any newly a married Indian woman does- maybe lesser. Our marriage was as interesting or mundane as any normal marriage was. Really sometimes I wonder if these things are overrated. But of course, both I and my hubby have extremely civilized parents who would not come to kill us for their so called honor like many other poor souls and I think the fact that we earn enough and are financially independent is a very important factor. I am not sure how it is important but I suspect it is.
Ya we face certain discriminations,yes we are judged, me more than my hubby sometimes but then …come on who doesn’t?
In the initial days of my marriage there were some who would show their stony faces to me, but I always ignored it. Like the far far relative who ran a boutique where my MIL took me. But their number was small compared to the loving faces which always greeted me; in fact negligible.  When the positive outweigh the negatives it’s ok is my mantra.
There was commenting too on how ‘wonderful’ son or daughter we turned out to be and how the younger siblings of my hubby and myself were warned never to follow my hubby’s example.  Now, for me, I am ok with bantering from people one loves. they can tease , it is ok, they have earned it( even though after 2 years it tends to get  a bit… meh! ;)), but when unrelated people  rant I wonder if I should take a stand and kick being diplomatic.

Anyhow I did take a stand at one time. I had opened a Facebook account just after I got married. Relations with long lost friends and acquintances were renewed. They would say hi and after the conventional questions would ask about my husband . Now my husband’s name reflects the community he is from perfectly and so does mine. There is no confusion there. Yup it is apparent that we had a “love” marriage from our names. As soon as I would say his name. Suddenly the chats would stop either for sometime when suddenly everything would go awkward, or it would stop completly. Just like that. After this happened two times I decided that I did not want to waste my time with such people. I changed my name in facebook to include my hubby's name (dead against the concept of taking hubby's surname  or name btw). In big letters my facebook name now reflected both my and my husband’s name.

Now there was no doubt at all.

It has served me well, that step, as it has filtered people who were anyhow not of my wavelength. and how did I know if it did so?

 Recently some months ago, I met this film maker in the flight. We got to talking and exchanged facebook profiles. When I wrote my facebook name, she looked at it and smiled. "I see You are making a point." she remarked. "Yes, that was the intention", I said. "Well point is well made" she replied laughing. Not only did I have a choice marriage ,But guess what, I was proud of it.

Are you wondering why I am emphasizing how proud I am of my marriage. I will tell you why.

Apparently ladies like me are supposed to a bit ashamed of having a love marriage. – atleast a decent level of shame is expected out of me. It’s not like they come and torture you with their mincing words but it is remarks like,”OMG, I don’t know how people can hurt their parents so much.” or ”I will never marry for love, I love my parents too much” or  “Don’t you dare bring a girl/guy  like your brother/sister did”. ”Ya we all know how good a daughter/son you are”,. “Hopefully she will get married to a good guy in arranged marriage itself( hopefully she will not fall in love ie ,hang the fact that she has had a lousy arranged marraige before) , behaving as if the spouse doesn't exist ,having two facebook accounts and sending friend requests from the one while all your other family members are in the other. etc etc etc.

It’s not that these remarks matter even a teensy weensy bit but ya, it is something one could do without. You would think that old fashioned people pass those remarks. But noooo . Actually I have seen many young married people themselves assert that they have had an arranged marriage when they have married by choice actually. I don't mind people not sharing it voluntarily but to assert otherwise so strongly,only among people of tradition thoughts is something which goes over my head.

 I don’t understand what’s there to be ashamed of???

Should I be ashamed of not only believing that all human beings are infact the same and acting on it. Or is it that I should tell outside that I don’t believe in religions and castes whereas I actually should. So am I supposed to be ashamed of the fact that I am not a hypocrite?
Or should I be ashamed of actually being committed to someone. In one hand the lack of commitment in berated, on the other hand, being committed is not a good sign either!!!
Or should I be ashamed of taking responsibility for myself – making informed decisions and sticking to it when I am sure it is right, even if it might be a bit difficult.   It’s not as if I was minor or uneducated or without financial independence.  
(Frankly speaking I believe that if a person can earn his keep and has lived in the real world for two years, I think that person has the maturity to take decisions for himself/herself.Btw i don't think educated has anythign to do with Degrees or Diplomas. The decisions may be wrong, but, people have the right to make mistakes. no???? But I digress.)
As far as beng ashamed of hurting my parents is concerned, Sorry, I cannot be ashamed of that just because I chose the one I wanted to marry. I am sad that the decision has hurt them, But I am not ashamed. How will things change then??? Who will change things??? Every child has parents. There was only One Adam and One Eve and they are long gone.(if at all there was i.e)

In my view there are three kinds of people who "sacrifice" their happiness for their parents.

1. Who go through what their parents want , and in the process are willing to sacrifice any principles they might have and are happy to do so. Good for them.

2. Who go through what their parents want , and in the process are willing to sacrifice any principles they might have however unhappy they may be. thus living a half life. Half lives are not good for spouses or the future generations. Not good.

3. Who go through what their parents want and then spoil everyone's life  with the resentment that burns in them, against their spouses, against the parents and worst, against themselves. Not at aaaall good. Infact Very Very BAD

 Giving instant gratification especially for all the wrong reasons(soceital pressure) really does not work that great for everyone and definitely not for the parents in the long run. Unfortunately both the parents and children realize that after the harm is done. (I have to add here that I am prejudiced. I have a friend who had to go through a lot just  because, her ex-husband wanted to please his parents.He was also the third kind. Made me downright thankful that I stuck to my guns and didnot spoil some innocent guy's life) .I cannot be ashamed of realizing that I am more the third kind and I cannot be ashamed of wanting to live a full life and following what I beleive in. If one really believed that parents love their children come what may..... one will also beleive that , if you do things right, they will understand and if one is happy, they will be happy.

What I have talked till now need not hold true for anyone else you know. It’s just what I have gone through, what I have experienced and my feelings on the subject. It is not well researched. It just comes from the heart. It’s not even inspired. But hey, it is honest.

But there are lots and lots of positive reactions too. For eg, I see people light up with their romantic souls all charged, eyes twinkling and imagining a romeo juliety type story. I love seeing their reaction though I have always had to disappoint them with my drab story. There is this one reaction that I am particularly fond of.
We went to give our wedding card to our transport coordinator.  When he realized that we were getting married he smiled beautifully and his eyes got misty. He said dreamily…. "Today I am very happy… Very".
That’s was the most beautiful reaction ever…Outweighs everything else….

Friday, January 11, 2013

5 Random Thoughts

I have not been able to write for  long time now. Not that things are not happening. I could write about our trip to kerala, how it felt to be a part of a normal family structure once again, changes in my personal and professional life, return to Gurgaon, the temperature shock we found ourselves in coming from a place with 30 degrees to 2 degrees and so on. There was a time when I could fill pages with these topics itself. But not so anymore. So what do I do? I browse. I browse blogs once again.

I feel amazed when I read some of the blogs. I find many of the bloggers are my age or sometimes even younger than me but they speak with such maturity. I feel I must sound so immature. They sound so confident and sure of themselves. Most of them have children. Do children make people grow up? I guess so. But somehow now that I am on my way, I feel more lost and less confident than ever before. This time in native place, when I and hubby's cousin, A were taking a stroll, she suddenly remarked that only when we are with our younger cousins , we realise how old we actually are. True.We both are 28 , almost 29. Still. when I am here in gurgaon with my  hubby , I feel 16, when I am going to work I feel 22 or 23. but when I am with my younger cousins and cousins in law I feel my age.

This time I liked my trip to my In laws. I felt I was true to myself. I was always cautious before. This time I was me. I would rather they hate me for what I am than love me for what I am not. I am sure I shocked my in laws more than once with my extreme un disguised frankness. I hope they did not think I was rude. But its so easy to feel so because that's how I talk. Only people very close to me know that , that's how I am and I mean no disrespect. Anyhow, I felt more at home there this time than I have ever felt before. Relatives from hubby's side came to meet us and bought a lot of sweets and snacks. Enough to satisfy my taste buds for 5 months. I did not bring much with me to gurgaon. I am  basically aloof I guess yet , I like to belong to a big family.
Do you know how some people can cook simply and whatever they cook turns out delicious. Well I am not like that. I need well etched recipes. I recently started feeling that , with the keeping of a cook who doesn't know how to cook and my own inability to stand in the kitchen for a longer period of time, I had simplified my recipes to such an extent that they no longer taste as good as they used to. And I am so so bored of eating the same thing day in and day out. So I have also started collecting recipes, simple recipes, original homely recipes which I had forgotten. Hopefully I will try them out soon. I have also decided to incorporate more types of vegetables in our cuisine. We seem to stick to the normal beans, carrots, brinjals, cabbage and cauliflower, with occasional appearances of other similar vegetables. Have bought a bottle gourd this time. I don't ever remember having bottle gourd before.Will try out the recipe and post it.

It's been 2 and a half years. Normally we at least notice our half anniversary as it falls on Jan 1st. But this time we forgot about it totally. I guess we were too busy with our relatives. Sometimes I still cannot believe I am married to him. I am still not used to being his wife. It seemed like such an impossible dream... God has always been very very kind to me that sometimes my own happiness scares me. I am so afraid that something bad might happen. I guess many feel the same way I do. Why do humans fear happiness so much? Are we basically pessimists when happiness of self is concerned ? Ya Allah.... Bless us All.