Friday, January 11, 2013

5 Random Thoughts

I have not been able to write for  long time now. Not that things are not happening. I could write about our trip to kerala, how it felt to be a part of a normal family structure once again, changes in my personal and professional life, return to Gurgaon, the temperature shock we found ourselves in coming from a place with 30 degrees to 2 degrees and so on. There was a time when I could fill pages with these topics itself. But not so anymore. So what do I do? I browse. I browse blogs once again.

I feel amazed when I read some of the blogs. I find many of the bloggers are my age or sometimes even younger than me but they speak with such maturity. I feel I must sound so immature. They sound so confident and sure of themselves. Most of them have children. Do children make people grow up? I guess so. But somehow now that I am on my way, I feel more lost and less confident than ever before. This time in native place, when I and hubby's cousin, A were taking a stroll, she suddenly remarked that only when we are with our younger cousins , we realise how old we actually are. True.We both are 28 , almost 29. Still. when I am here in gurgaon with my  hubby , I feel 16, when I am going to work I feel 22 or 23. but when I am with my younger cousins and cousins in law I feel my age.

This time I liked my trip to my In laws. I felt I was true to myself. I was always cautious before. This time I was me. I would rather they hate me for what I am than love me for what I am not. I am sure I shocked my in laws more than once with my extreme un disguised frankness. I hope they did not think I was rude. But its so easy to feel so because that's how I talk. Only people very close to me know that , that's how I am and I mean no disrespect. Anyhow, I felt more at home there this time than I have ever felt before. Relatives from hubby's side came to meet us and bought a lot of sweets and snacks. Enough to satisfy my taste buds for 5 months. I did not bring much with me to gurgaon. I am  basically aloof I guess yet , I like to belong to a big family.
Do you know how some people can cook simply and whatever they cook turns out delicious. Well I am not like that. I need well etched recipes. I recently started feeling that , with the keeping of a cook who doesn't know how to cook and my own inability to stand in the kitchen for a longer period of time, I had simplified my recipes to such an extent that they no longer taste as good as they used to. And I am so so bored of eating the same thing day in and day out. So I have also started collecting recipes, simple recipes, original homely recipes which I had forgotten. Hopefully I will try them out soon. I have also decided to incorporate more types of vegetables in our cuisine. We seem to stick to the normal beans, carrots, brinjals, cabbage and cauliflower, with occasional appearances of other similar vegetables. Have bought a bottle gourd this time. I don't ever remember having bottle gourd before.Will try out the recipe and post it.


It's been 2 and a half years. Normally we at least notice our half anniversary as it falls on Jan 1st. But this time we forgot about it totally. I guess we were too busy with our relatives. Sometimes I still cannot believe I am married to him. I am still not used to being his wife. It seemed like such an impossible dream... God has always been very very kind to me that sometimes my own happiness scares me. I am so afraid that something bad might happen. I guess many feel the same way I do. Why do humans fear happiness so much? Are we basically pessimists when happiness of self is concerned ? Ya Allah.... Bless us All.

6 comments:

  1. I have always had a conflicting view on the "Thats how I talk" reasoning. If only people close to you understand that, how do you expect those who are not to separate it from rudeness and "aval appadi thaan". It may not matter with complete strangers whether they can separate it or not, but with close family it kinda does.

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    1. I have always had a conflicting view on that too. However I don't expect anybody to separate it from rudeness. Infact it would not surprise me. if it IS close family they will separate it no? I don't know. I have the same conflicting views about being being diplomatic and being honest.I know diplomatic is much appreciated but when it is with family members i sometimes feel it is lying.Do i make sense?

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  2. About close family, when they are close enough they will learn to separate it and that is the catch. It also depends on the person whom you are dealing with if they see it as "Manasila pattatha appidiye sollurathu" OR "thimiru". I must say diplomatic and lying are two different things(for me atleast). Diplomatic means putting forward your conflicting opinion in a less offending way. Saying totally different for not offending someone is hypocrisy. I would never do that, but I am diplomatic if the situation demands.

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    1. "Manasila pattatha appidiye sollurathu" I was hoping they will go for this :) After all their son/brother understood and liked me for that.

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  3. Ah the classic conflict, especially with the in-laws. But not always is honesty appreciated, sometimes it can hurt you. Having learnt it the hard way, now I have decided that not all people deserve to know the "true me". But it sure is hard to think something but never express it freely with the ones you consider close family...

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    1. Yup , hubby also talked to me about this yesterday. Another conflict going on now. I guess I will take yours and aravinds advice and be a wee bit more careful. However , like you said,, it is extremely difficult especially when they are very loving. I feel as if i am cheating them.

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