Monday, January 21, 2013

Just Human


Note: 'Atha' means father in our place. Not to be confused with 'Athan' used in some places of Tamil Nadu which means a totally different relation.

Do you remember the time when you were a kid and your parents were this superheroes. They could never be wrong, they knew everything in this world, they could get you anything you wanted( if they wanted to get it for you that is). They were just SUPER.

And then there comes this understanding that they too are human. They too make mistakes. They too need not know everything. They too cannot have everything.

Yes. My father was is my Superhero.(OK, one of the superheros, my hubby too is a super hero to me now). And I still remember the  moment I realised that maybe my father was human too.

I am not sure exactly how old I was. My elder sister was at home so I am guessing she was either newly married or near that age. So maybe I was around 13. The current had gone and it had gone for sometime. I, my Father and my sister were out in the courtyard. I was walking round and round the yard. "Atha, why is the current not there?" I asked.

"I don't know" he replied

"Atha, why is the current not there?" I asked

"I don't know" he replied once again with a odd voice( Did I not hear him the first time???)

"Atha, why is the current not there?" I asked yet again vaguely conscious that my sister was looking at me as if I was mad.

"How many times should I tell you? I DON'T KNOW" He said sounding slightly irritated by now.

"WHY did you akeep on askign the same question????" my elder sister asked laughing at me.

I was surprised too. Why exactly did I do that? Then I understood why. The words "I don't know" from my fathers lips, did not make sense to my brain. I could not process that sentence. I needed an answer, Any answer, even a maybe answer would do. but when my father said "I don't know" , he could have been talking in french for all my brain cared.

It was then I realized that , that I had thought my father was a super, and then I realised that maybe my father was also human, maybe my father did not know EVERYTHING, my parents need not have everything, my parents could make mistakes too, could feel angry, could feel sad, could have the failings too.

And I don't mean this in the wrong way. I think it is grossly unfair for parents to be thought as super heroes. I think it is grossly unfair to anybody who is put into the category of "super". Sometimes I see children make unreasonable demands from their parents,unreasonable expectations from their parents(the same unreasonable expectations such parents have from their children), especially the mother and I feel so very bad for them. Parents have their life too you know, Children should realize that. I realized that in my midteens only , even then I have been guilty of forgetting that because my parents themselves didnot realize that  they had a life of their own. We were more important for them, more than themselves.

Now I am on my way. IGW, soon (well not thaaat soon) I will be a mother too. At what age and when will my baby realize that his/her parents are human too.I wonder! And here I have already made my first mistake. I ate fish from outside ignoring my instincts , caught an infection and had to have antibiotics. Antibiotics after the first trimester is OK but still ,,,,,  Somehow.... NOT OK. Guilt - another effect of parenthood? I guess so. Poor parents, they do have it hard.

Pray for us.







2 comments:

  1. I got a similar experience when I was twice older than what you were, at 26. That was when he got a minor heart attack and got an angioplasty done. When I went in to see him after the surgery in the ICU lying with the oxygen mask and other instruments nearby, I got really scared and realized he was getting old. Till then I had never considered him to be an old man. I have never seen him get sick or even catch a fever. He is usually very resistant to the common diseases and never gets tired. Even he was totally shook by that incident and is now more attentive (even paranoid at times ) regarding health and takes care of himself and mom more carefully

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    Replies
    1. That must have been extremely shocking. My realization was more gradual.Cirlce of life...illa?

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