Saturday, March 30, 2013

In Trivandrum Now.

Not writing anything has become a trend. Was not well and was pretty bored with not being well. It affected my time spent on the net though. I simply didnot have any initiative to write. However in a sudden turn of event we found ourselves in Trivandrum. You know I have always believed in the superpowers of mothers. If they want something no, somehow or the other it will happen. Both the mothers wanted me to come to Trivandrum for my delivery. Ultimately that only happened and in the last possible moment. Am I glad? I am yet to decide. I have still not come to terms with the fact that hubby won't be there to share with me the last weeks of my pregnancy. And I still have not come in terms with how I am going to be here without him. He does every single thing for me. And the attitude in the hospitals here is so different. There the doctors and nurses are so polite, here - well not so much. There we are treated with respect. Here , well they don't tell us anything- as if 'what is the necessity for us to know'. Hubby was a bit miffed that they didn't allow him inside the scanning room. I am so glad we spent the last 8 months in gurgaon. It's so much fun seeing the baby in the ultrasound. I will never forget the first time I saw the baby's feet and the way the baby jumped and the heartbeat and the hands trying to grab something. And I am glad that hubby could watch it and enjoy it with me. I don't know why husband's here are made to forgo this joy. Makes no sense to me at all. I have no idea why they treat husbands like porcelain dolls who know nothing. That's why they remain oblivious to everything a women goes through.  They have a harder time connecting with the baby.

I remember when my sister had her first child. My brother in law had come. My mother was paranoid when he carried the baby or played with her. Ultimately my soft brother in law who I have never seen get angry burst out to my mother reminding her HE was the FATHER of the baby. Made quite an impression on me. I always wanted my hubby in the labour room with me. Again , I don't see the sense in arguments like the women loses her mystery, or the man will no longer find the women attractive or the husband will not be able to see so much pain , and recently the doctor might be embarressed ( I would run away from such a doc). Really? Women go through this much pain and Men can't even see it? Women go through so much discomfort and pain and they have to worry about their hubby losing interest in them. The way I see it, hubby should be the one who should be worried - if at all. I don't know if I find it excessively stupid or demeaning to men. I sometimes feel very sorry for men. I feel they are not appreciated properly too. Anyhow, this is ruled out now too.

Ofcourse there are other issues too but then these last few years have taught me one thing. God's plans may not match with ours but ultimately it's always for the best. So at such times it's better to go with the flow. But still, I make plans. I like making plans and backup plans . They make me feel safe. When God changes it, I simply make new plans once again.





Thursday, March 7, 2013

07.03.2013


Dear blog,                                                                     

Sorry for not writing for so long. I do feel guilty about not completing any posts. I think one of the reason I am not able to write any random thing is that I registered in blogadda recently. So I keep feeling that I must somehow make an extra effort to write better posts. For now I reject that feeling, because I have understood that it is far more important for me to be in contact with you. You make me feel good. You make me feel better.

Have entered the third trimester and till now it's been OK. baby is active some days and gives me great fun. But other days when the baby is not active I get tensed and worried. Sometimes I wish I was not working so that I could concentrate more on taking care of myself, ergo taking care of the baby. If I feel like this now how will I feel after the baby comes???? I do want to keep working. Somehow I guess we all will just have to manage.

Mom might not come for the delivery after all. Her health is not that good. She was so tensed about taking care of me , I told her it's OK if she does not come , in fact I forbid her to come. I told her we will manage. "That's the lifestyle nowadays, isn't it?. Are not hundreds of people doing it??? blah blah and blah" , I said to her. But nowadays I do feel that it would be nice if somebody I knew was there for me, just to keep me company at least. Especially if hubby's job changes and his office is somewhere far, what will I do then? Ah ,somehow we will manage. At least everyone has stopped pressuring me even more. Now everyone i meet says, ''it's OK rahmath. You can do it.'' Acceptance is such a beautiful thing no? Its so difficult to keep explaining to well wishers that, that itself takes a toll on you.

Stopping for now. Hopefully I will write to you tomorrow also. Though I am not promising anything. Not able to keep promises so I would rather not commit at all.


Lots of Love
Rahmath

PS: Saw the female purple sunbird today. Purple sunbird is making its way in the web pages I visit too. Summer is officially here????