Sunday, May 5, 2013

Decluttering thoughts on...

… Last month
…Anchor Stitch Kit
…The Alchemist and me
…Soul mates
…Love marriages and the “Real thing” test.
…The Groom’s perspective in a Love Marriage.

I keep wondering whether today I should write my "goodbye for now, see you after the break" post. This is going to be more of a mail that a blog post.

One month has gone and I guess it went quickly though when it was going it felt to be very slow. Hubby is still in Gurgaon. I would have liked his presence here, but well what can one do; Sigh! Anyhow this has been a good one month. I have been fortunate enough to spend time with my in laws and my parents. All of them have taken good care of me so I can't wait to regain my strength so that I can give them a break soon. Two months more for that...


Every day is the same so there is not much to write about. I have started an Anchor stitch Kit. I don't think I will be able to finish it soon however. It's kind of mechanical but one has to concentrate too. My stomach feels upset for some reason. It's like the maze game where you move and end up in a dead end, move and dead end, move and dead end and in the end your stomach begins to churn. Yet you can't stop as it is addictive. Long satin stitches for this Stitch kit have the same effect. I have decided to not touch it anymore today though I am sorely tempted.


I also started reading "Brida" by Paulo Coelho. Seems interesting though I have never liked any book of his as much as I have liked "The Alchemist". The Alchemist is all about following your dreams but for me, it was about second chances too. The English man who came to learn Alchemy...... He started once again. That's life for you. I have always wanted to learn to dance and sing. It was not encouraged in our house. Every Year I would think next year I will do it, and then I turned 9, 10, 11,12,13,14...... And then I decided I was too old. The book made me realize maybe I was not too old after all. Thus when I was 25 I bought my first guitar and started my guitar lessons. I could not continue after a month as I had to shift places and I haven't found a good teacher. Something always came up. But I have my guitar and I have the wish to learn. MIL says she would have enrolled me to music and dance classes if I had expressed the wish before itself. Ah.... I will do it someday....I am not too old for that. I will never be old to pursue my dreams anymore.


"Brida" is all about soul mates I guess.... That seems to be the theme. Do you believe in soul mates? I am yet to decide. I guess hubby is my soul mate but what if I think so only because I have not met my actual soul mate? He and I are made for each other, we are always in sync and perfect at least that's what I feel. But what if I just think so because my actual soul mate has not come in front of me? Until my hubby came into my life, I didn’t know what I was missing. I was pretty happy then too. I would not have missed anything because I didn’t know it existed in the first place. But if he was not my soul mate could I have written about this so casually in this post knowing that he would understand what I was writing?  I wonder what this soul mate thing means!


A couple of days ago I was thinking of how hubby and I were made to wait for two years apart from the 5 years we knew each other - to know if I our decision was not on a whim, to know if our love was a "real thing". I did wonder what this "real thing" meant. In the two years that we had to wait had we proved that it was indeed the real thing? But these two years had taken a toll on our relationship; another six months would have broken it completely. If so then did it mean that it would have not been the real thing after all? Then does it mean that the last app. three years of our marriage was a lie?

I also did wonder why only love marriages were subjected to such tests.  Waiting waiting waiting with all kinds of emotional pressures. It's difficult. I did wonder..... How do people decide if the partner selected through arranged marriage was the "real thing"? Portfolios; Pics; and a half an hour talk with maybe one or two meetings seems to been enough for them to decide if that was a real thing or not. Then why 2 years for a choice marriage to be proved to be a real thing? Does it make sense?

An unbreakable plate is unbreakable only if it is used in the way it is supposed to be used. If I fling it with full force on the floor, jump on it and literally subject it to more than it can bear, it is going to break. After that is it fair to complain...Oh, the plate broke. Marriages are not unbreakable. If it is subjected to that much pressure any marriage is bound to fail. I wonder if it is really possible to decide if a relationship is "real" or not based on the waiting game. Of course I don't mean that one should be hasty in getting into or out of relationships but I find it to be humiliating for couples of choice marriages alone to be subjected to these kinds of tests. It's discrimination. Don't you think? But then again, of course it is. What should one expect?


Talking about love marriage, recently someone had written in about a relationship crisis she was facing. Her bf's parents were not agreeing. Her first mail was optimistic asking for opinions on how to tackle the issue. Lots of comments came in citing "red flags". Me? Interestingly I could see none. I could see nothing which was not expected in such a case. She had a discussion and subsequently they broke up because the guy buckled out. I was shocked. I guess the guy is to be found fault with, according to her recent reply to me but weird me at that time, I somehow empathized with him. It's interesting, when a gal buckles down to  societal and parental pressure she is a victim when a guy does the same he is gall less, gutless, spineless and ball less. I wonder if any women were accused of being uterus less. I guess I empathized with him because I identified with him more than I identified with the gal. Still I guess the guy is to blame.

However this business put another idea into my head. After more than two and a half years of marriage, I asked my hubby the question...." How was that time for you when we were trying to convince our parents?"
"It was difficult" he said.
"But how was it difficult?" I persisted.
"It was difficult that's all" he said. And this is a guy who can describe something that happened in 10 min for around an hour.
"No tell me”, I urged.
He started and then broke off.... He said it seemed so childish for him to complain when I, his parents and my parents were suffering so much. It felt so childish for him to feel any pain.

I felt like a cad.

Yup, at that time I had showed my disappointment, I was so angry, his had parents showed their disappointment. He was sandwiched between me and his parents. Still, it’s interesting, how everyone's pain was important as opposed to the pain of the groom in question. The trials and tribulations of the guy were of no consequence. I had ventured out to give a different perspective to that girl and in the end ended up having a different perspective myself. For that I am thankful. For now I appreciate my husband more than I did before.


There are still people who think feminism is about the girl. It's not...Feminism is equality. It's a pity that the name came to be so. Friends sometimes look at my hubby with pity for he has got a feminist wife. How would they know that it was he who taught me what feminism was but of course that's another story.

Long enough
Stopping for now,

Did anyone reach here????


  1. Wow, that was some post Rahmath...Seems you put down a whole bunch of thoughts that had been hovering around long enough...I admire the clarity of your thoughts... How true that while we harp about equality, we forget that men are human as are women and expect both to be uncomplaining about certain things... Aren't we guilty of typecasting I wonder?
    Looking forward to your thought-provoking posts as always...
    My prayers and good wishes for the expected bundle of joy :)

    1. :) They were hovering a bit too much I must say. Better out than in eh?

      Typecasting of men.... true... sometimes I think we are never going to get gender equality unless we address that too.

  2. Hope you and the baby are healthy and fine.


Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
You made my day :)