Thursday, January 30, 2014

Why I married HIM- Reason # 98


I got a link in facebook.  Which Hogwarts House Do You Belong In?
Obivously I was intrigued and took the quiz and found out (to my surprise) that I was in  Ravenclaw. Now that I think of it. It should not be a surprise. I always thought Ravenclaw had the qualities I actually admired. These quizes always say nice things about you, don't you think?. Hopefully they are true. Anyhow this is what they said about me
"You’re clever and wise. Your friends often come to you to get advice because you always know what to say. Your creativity allows you to look at things in an out of the box way. And your wit makes you a pleasure to be around."
Hubby says every word is true but then he is partial.

When  I showed him the results, he quipped. 'Give me the link. I want to know which house I belonged to.' He answered the questions in front of me and the way he was answering reminded me of Harry Potter. As I guessed, he turned out to be in  Gryffindor. And this came for him.
You have a heart of a lion. You never give up, never back down and give everything 100%. Good things happen to you because you fight for them. You stand up for yourself and for your friends because you believe in what is right. Your energy is magnetic and makes you a natural leader.
Ofcourse every single word is true. But then, I am partial to him too.

While he was answering I was beside him and thinking how much more fun it was to share these quizes with him.

If it's fun to take personality quiz, it's even more fun to take it with your partner and laugh together at the results. That's  reason#98 for marrying him.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I wish I was writing anonymously...

...sometimes.  I guess i was too idealistic when I started blogging. I believed that one should take responsibilities for one's words and it is honest to write in your own name and what not. Now years later  I find that there has been a slight shift in my beliefs. Sometimes writing in your own name itself can stop you from being totally honest in your blog. Maybe, honesty depends on the writer and not on his/her blog name.

My world is small, My life is mundane. I am pretty timid to new people though I am an open book to people who like me. Recent experiences have made me even more wary and I am pretty happy to just get on with my life ,open up to those special people and basically stay put.  However conversations interest me. People always interest me. I miss that aspect of college. I miss people talking to me, sharing their views with me. So I get my dose of the drug by visiting blogs and 'listening' to them talk to me. I rarely comment. I am simply afraid that what I say, may not be that interesting. Or maybe, they would not like what I am saying. If I was writing in another name, maybe I would have more confidence(?). Maybe I could given myself another persona. I don't know.  I am pretty much quiet in the blog world until somebody asks if anybody is listening. When they do ask, I let them know that I am here by saying a hello. But saying anything more than that.....very rarely. I must conquer that fear.

It may seem totally contradictory as I blog. Maybe it's because I don't have any illusions about it. I know I cannot write about a topic, or spin a poem from thin air. I cannot be funny and I don't even try. I can be happy but cannot be chirpy. I know how to whine but cannot make it cute. However,  I do know that certain special people read my blog and I am satisfied and happy. I couldn't ask for more.

But as I said my world is small and I struggle for topics. I.e.  topics I feel strongly about. I don't read the newspaper by choice. My hobbies lay buried deep somewhere  because I cannot find the time/enthusiasm to do anything at this point of my life. So I can't write about it.

I can write about my thoughts but they are triggered by the responses of people around me to certain ideas. If I respond to those triggers and by chance someone reads it and gets offended and takes it personally, then what????!!!!. I can write it from a third person's view but that's not my style and I will have to spend more time/effort to write that post.

So the post goes unwritten. But until that thought gets written, my thoughts clutter and then everyday I open this page some twenty eight times and go away without posting anything - due to the lack of clarity.

And at these times I wish I was writing anonymously.

I sometimes wonder if this is the case of the grass being greener on the other side.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

What women want.... Hilarious and True!

“Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.”
                                                                                                -Bill Cosby

Thursday, January 23, 2014

What would you do if you have unresolved issues with someone?

When those unresolved issues will not be resolved because the other person will not even acknowledge that there is a mutual issue? What would you do when you cannot forgive a person for what they have done to you? What would you do when you think of all their positives and it still doesn't work? What if they are unwilling to take a step forward themselves and your best is not enough for them and they want even more, ?

You pray for them.

You pray that they attain peace of mind.

Everyone behaves in a certain way because of their experiences. Some may manifest into prejudice which may affect you for reasons you don't understand.

So you pray for them to attain peace and then you pray  for yourself to get more strength so that you don't behave in the exact same manner in future.

Some extraordinary people are immune to their experiences and are always positive.They learn from their experiences but don't carry it forward. They are at peace and  their actions don't affect other people negatively.

So you pray that you will become one of them.










Friday, January 17, 2014

Letters to my diary 17.01.2014

Today is  friday. You know how much I love fridays nowadays. However the weekends finish far too soon. This week was a far more productive one that last week, I rediscovered lists. I was almost going bonkers as I had no idea where what was and it felt like even though I was working all the time....nothing was getting covered. So the day before yesterday I took the help of my old friend. Lists. You remember the lists I used to make don't you? Marking away when each task was done... It gives one a good feeling. That overwhelming feeling is no longer there. So this week I actually felt better.

Early this week we got a shock. A very horrible shock. The electricity bill came and with our abundant usage of the geyser and air heater the units were double to what we normally use. It was careless of us. An extreme waste of electrical energy and paisa. We are not earning to squander our money. So, the first couple of days we tried to identify where we were going wrong and discovered that just by being a bit aware we can easily reduce our electricity consumption. We were getting a bit too careless in our attitude towards money/electricity. We are more aware now. Another good thing about the house. We are so thankful we got to know about it in one month itself and not two months as it normally is.

We are still not used to the house even though it feels like we have been here for a long time. Though most of the things have their own place , the places in itself have not yet got registered in our minds. So I was thinking of labelling the cupboards for the time being. Good idea no.

Today is 17th is it? Vavoo is 8 months.He gives us so much joy with everything he does. I used to have a story book about a bonny child when I was a kid- the story of Happy Go Lucky Mama and her bonny child. Vavoo is a bonny child. We are lucky to have him. I must remember how much joy he gives us now so that even if his behavior in his teenage years troubles us (liek soooooooo many parents keep telling us), I might remind myself that we have had a great deal of happiness through him too. But I wonder if it is unnecessary expectations from the parent's part that they have a tough time when their children grow up. A bit of mutual respect should help no. I wonder.

We had gone to landmark the other day. There we met an insurancewala. I wanted to take of policy for vavoo - for his education you know. I would like to make some retirement plans also. Hubby is totally not interested in such things so I went online to research in these things. The policies were for the future of the children i.e for education and marraiges.

Education I can understand.

But sorry, marraige what????

I am actually expected to struggle and save my entire life for a big fat indian wedding. I hope vavoo doesnot expect that out of us in future.

We expect him to find his own life partner and marry whom he pleases. And we intend him to get married only when he is confident that he and his partner can support each other and are financially independent.

I am expected to save for their marriage  too. Thanks but no thanks. I hope court marriages become the fashion in coming years. Please god.

I would have gladly had a court marriage. I wanted it more than ever but ...you know what diary, one gets tired. At one point one gets tired of fighting. Sometimes some battles have to be lost so that the war can be won. Sometimes one has to take a break and rejuvinate oneself.

I have realized that I have finally grown up. When we are content in just changing ourselves and don't go  about trying to change the world. When we accept that we are indeed nothing and are thankful in whatever change we can bring about in our daily lives, When our confidence is no longer out there on anybody's face but shimmers inside, in our heart - I guess then we are officially grownup.

Am I just being cynical now?

Miss you
Rahmath















Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A Tip for a Working Mom!

Morning alarm didnot ring. Or did it ring and we dindot know because hubby was sleeping on it? Latter case ofcourse. Sometimes I think we should buy a traditional alarm clock which goes "trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiing triiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing".
 We got up at 7:30. Getting up, making lunch, packing breakfast, packing meals for vavoo, packing his diaper bag( which always makes me think "why did I not do it the night before), waking him up at 8, getting him ready with min 3 layers of clothing, getting ourselves ready, within 1hr and 15 min, ya did it all, when I got back into the car after vavoo went in his daycare hubby remarked.
"you have not changed your chappals"
I was wearing my bathroom slippers...
(btw why do we call it bathroom slippers, we wear it at home.Maybe I should refer it as indoor slippers)

The good thing was...this time I had bought a beautiful violet indoor chappal. Which can pass off as an outdoor chappal also if required. It's not that noticable.

Tip for a working mom: Always ....Always buy  beautiful indoor chappals :)

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Letters to my diary 07.01.2013

I wish you were there. I would have written in you today. I.e. if I had time. I don't seem to have any time now diary. I can make time but then I will have to get up an hour earlier than hubby and vavoo and you know what no way.

Today I have this feeling of many things happening. Morning we got up pretty late. I was tired, I wished there was no office today. Weekend seems so far. Just made Dalia for vavoo and did nothing else. Reached office a bit late. I am so thankful for the dhabhawala opposite our office. I had a hot onion potato paratha and one omelet. That guy over there is really coming to my rescue nowadays.

Afternoon while coming back from lunch I thought I will ask the tailor (the one who sits near our ex colony) to remove the rubber bands off Vavoo’s pants and make it into pajama strings. I also asked him to stitch some satin ribbons in Vavoo’s new booties.

"Mochi ko dena" he said pretty curtly (“Give to the shoemaker")
"Mochi????" this is just cloth I said to him but his reply again came, curtly "Mochi ko dena".
Suddenly I realized I had insulted him. So I said. "It's ok I will do it myself". I guess it was something beneath him to do that. Maybe I should not judge him just because of one instance but don't know, I felt as if I saw a glimpse of something else there.

I walked towards the daycare where hubby had gone to leave vavoo and while I was waiting for him my eyes fell on to our previous house and I saw a yellow car. So they have sublet it after all. Somehow I felt bit bad- no not because of them getting a tenant, good for them but they had screwed us and nobody would know. They had done a lot of whitewashing (literally) in our time, with our money and on top of that they were saying we were the one who were problematic. I don't know I felt somewhat but then we are happy here in our new house. Guess everything happened so that we would leave the colony and come here. So maybe it’s ok.
But somewhere in my heart....

I wish I could talk to you face to face. There are something’s which can't be written in letters. I am waiting for you to come from somewhere. Have not got from office. I am afraid to ask my boss - he might think I am greedy. He already gave me a nice table calendar. My dad would have given me but it would take months. Last time I went to landmark I searched for you but you were not there. Hope I will be able to write in you soon.

Love
Rahmath






Three happy things 06.01.2014

1. Finally had home made appam - Me made actually. Hubby never seemed to be a fan of appams but i loved them. One attempt with the ready made batter (into which you just add coconut milk and you are done ) failed miserably. So after 3 and a half years the day before yesterday i ultimately made it. Used the recipe form Shailu's food and it came awesome. Had it for breakfast and lunch yesterday. Was soooooooooooo happy.It also meant finishing one of my goals :)

2. Got assigned a project at work. I can make design sheets which is the most interesting part for me. And this time I have been asked to do the substructure design of a viaduct/ROB with the new code. It's a great opportunity and yes I am very happy now.

3. Got that surprise gift for hubby yesterday. Actually it was not a surprise anymore. Last monday we went to Landmark to see if we could get some gift paper. There he saw the book I had bought for him through ebay. He came happily asking whether we could buy it and I refused. I don't refuse anything and I felt bad and told him that I had already bought it for him and it will come on Jan 4th. Come to think of it he did not seem to be heartbroken. I just called him to double confirm - Did he know about this before I told him. He assured me he didnot, but he had a hunch that I might try to get it for him somehow seeing how much he wanted that book. I don't know what I am more happy about. Giving him that book or knowing how much he trusts me :)

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Memories - The Eldest


Prompted by someone questioning my eldest sister's love for me just because she and I had a difference of opinion on my marriage. As if that can change anything!

I was talking to this person telling how eldest children love their sibling almost like parents like my hubby and my eldest sister. And this person remarked out of the blue "isn't that the sister who did not want you to marry him" I suddenly became disoriented, I was not expecting a judgmental comment and I stammered back "what about the previous 25 years of my life???? "

Don't these memories Count!!!!

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I may have been around 4. Though we had toys my father didnot believe in stuffed toys  and I had none. I have a friend , an only child and that day I had gone to her house and had seen rows and rows and rows of stuffed toys--- every toy you could imagine. I came back home sad. Even at hat age we were taught to be happy with what we had. We did not ask for things. Father and mother always provided whatever they could. Money was not to be wasted. There was only one person I could talk to. I sat down in the portico and waited for her.  After sometime she came. For any other onlooker she might have been a small 14 year old girl with pigtails adorned with ribbons but not so for this little kid who was waiting for her. Eldest passed and my face fell. She didn't see me????? I waited...No she will come back,such was my belief and she did. She sat down slowly. "What happened?" she asked and I began describing in detail of her friend's toys. I did not ask for a toy but it was apparent. She did not say anything then.

That birthday the eldest had convinced her father and put a good deal of her pocket money into buying the kid her very first doll. Teddy (or Theodora whenever we wanted a heroine).

That was her.
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Technically I am way much closer to my second sister, We are pals. We are very close but whenever we want guidance, or we got into trouble we went to the eldest.  Maybe more than our parents, we went to her.
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I cannot forget the number of times she has spent afternoons blowing bubbles for her kid sister to burst and have fun.
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She was the one who introduced me to nature and books. Nature - she took me along with her to search for a pupa and we watched a butterfly emerge. She started a story and left it in midway and I had to read the book and she would NOT tell the story to me, no matter how much I begged. (Really she can be downright stubborn sometimes).Maybe I even started writing because she wrote.
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Once I had lost the keys of my bicycle. I was dismayed and extremely scared. My dad would kill me. At that time I thought literally. I went to her and she came to search for it. Turned out that our neighbor boy had taken the keys to teach me a lesson about taking care of one's keys. Silly Raghu, He gave me a heart attack that day....he did.
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Then I remember I used to play in the sand and my hair would get all muddy. Twice my mother told me not to do it but I couldn't resist. The third time I would definitely be punished. I went to her(obviously) and she painstakingly removed the grit from my scalp before my mom could examine.
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There also was this time when I was 10, I was supposed to have a project to take to school to show how plants tend to grow towards light. We were given a good two weeks for it. I conveniently forgot until the last Saturday I went in a panic. I went to her and she consoled me gave me her fav. tiny pot planted peas in it for me (they grow pretty fast) and by Thursday I had a project in hand. They very just an inch tall but they showed the inclination towards sunlight and guess what, I scored good marks in it:)
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Did I mention the time I fell down and scratched  my leg badly. It got infected and pulp had formed. We went to the doctor. The nurse dressed it but my pain did not subside. After watching me writh in pain for a couple of days, the eldest removed the dressing, cleaned the whole pus, and dressed it so neatly that the pain vanished completely and it became ok in 2 days.
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There was also this incident. There were these relatives who loved my second elder sister very much . They always bought gifts for her. It was some kind of a partiality. Once a cousin came and gave my second sis gifts. I may have been around 12 maybe.... As usual I didnot get any gifts. We did not complain even if we felt bad. We were taught not to even feel bad if we were overlooked. That time my eldest took me in and gave me the most beautiful red velvet hairband you could have seen in this world. I was happy. Very. From the next time the cousin bought gifts for me too. I recently came to know why.

I had shown this cousin my red hairband excitedly and he realized and asked the eldest why she gave me that gift that day.(They are very close). My sister explained to him that how bad I would feel if they favoured my second sister so blatantly, I was a kid after all. So she had bought a gift for me to negate that feeling. (note:from her pocket money and we were not given that much I promise you)
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She convinced my dad to allow me to do my MTech. and that's something very very important for me. I regard it as a dream fulfilled.
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I can keep writing...I can keeeeep oooooooon writing.




















 

Friday, January 3, 2014

Letters to my diary 03.01.2014

Yesterday I wrote another post on a paper. but when I saw how much cumbersome uploading and opening an image was I decided I am not posting it in the blog. however it felt good to write and I guess I will continue to do that.

My 101 goals remain incomplete. There is hardly 60 days more for me to complete them. Every time I think I must dedicate some time for them, something or the other happens and there goes my goals outside the window.

Vavoo has started into the phase of separation anxiety. If I am anywhere near the room he starts chinigiffying. He starts to cry if I leave the room. Hubby is having fever so even he cannot entertain him that much. I hope this phase passes soon.

Last weekend we put up ply board walls for the bed. They can be slided and removed whenever required. They come upto vavoo's chest. He enjoys pulling himself up in standing position and swinging and looking out. Oh yes he has discovered gravity. Anything which he can catch with his hands ends up on the floor. He is happy and we are happy. Otherwise everytime he is on the bed his freedom is restricted. If he goes even near to the edge we put him in the middle again. This gives more freedom to him and more peace and energy conserving solution for us.

Doc advised us to buy a bassinet kind of thing. I found it extremely restrictive. He finds a 6' X6' bed just enough. 2' x 1.5' is surely not enough at all. This seemed to be a better and economical solution. However when he grows the height has to be increased. We need to cover up the ply boards with pretty papers. Not finding good ones though. Will have to do something once hubby becomes alright.

It is so difficult is it not when one of the spouses fall ill? Its like one of the wheels getting punctured and the whole load falls on the other. It did not feel like that when we were not parents. Now responsibilities are more. Fears are more. More than us we are worried if something will happen to vavoo. We are keeping him away from hubby for now though he does help out too. It takes hubby's full will power to not hug/cuddle him. Poor hubby.

Today is Friday?. I am glad it's Friday. Hope we have a productive weekend with phases of laziness.

Have a great weekend! :)

Till next time

Love
Rahmath