Friday, January 17, 2014

Letters to my diary 17.01.2014

Today is  friday. You know how much I love fridays nowadays. However the weekends finish far too soon. This week was a far more productive one that last week, I rediscovered lists. I was almost going bonkers as I had no idea where what was and it felt like even though I was working all the time....nothing was getting covered. So the day before yesterday I took the help of my old friend. Lists. You remember the lists I used to make don't you? Marking away when each task was done... It gives one a good feeling. That overwhelming feeling is no longer there. So this week I actually felt better.

Early this week we got a shock. A very horrible shock. The electricity bill came and with our abundant usage of the geyser and air heater the units were double to what we normally use. It was careless of us. An extreme waste of electrical energy and paisa. We are not earning to squander our money. So, the first couple of days we tried to identify where we were going wrong and discovered that just by being a bit aware we can easily reduce our electricity consumption. We were getting a bit too careless in our attitude towards money/electricity. We are more aware now. Another good thing about the house. We are so thankful we got to know about it in one month itself and not two months as it normally is.

We are still not used to the house even though it feels like we have been here for a long time. Though most of the things have their own place , the places in itself have not yet got registered in our minds. So I was thinking of labelling the cupboards for the time being. Good idea no.

Today is 17th is it? Vavoo is 8 months.He gives us so much joy with everything he does. I used to have a story book about a bonny child when I was a kid- the story of Happy Go Lucky Mama and her bonny child. Vavoo is a bonny child. We are lucky to have him. I must remember how much joy he gives us now so that even if his behavior in his teenage years troubles us (liek soooooooo many parents keep telling us), I might remind myself that we have had a great deal of happiness through him too. But I wonder if it is unnecessary expectations from the parent's part that they have a tough time when their children grow up. A bit of mutual respect should help no. I wonder.

We had gone to landmark the other day. There we met an insurancewala. I wanted to take of policy for vavoo - for his education you know. I would like to make some retirement plans also. Hubby is totally not interested in such things so I went online to research in these things. The policies were for the future of the children i.e for education and marraiges.

Education I can understand.

But sorry, marraige what????

I am actually expected to struggle and save my entire life for a big fat indian wedding. I hope vavoo doesnot expect that out of us in future.

We expect him to find his own life partner and marry whom he pleases. And we intend him to get married only when he is confident that he and his partner can support each other and are financially independent.

I am expected to save for their marriage  too. Thanks but no thanks. I hope court marriages become the fashion in coming years. Please god.

I would have gladly had a court marriage. I wanted it more than ever but know what diary, one gets tired. At one point one gets tired of fighting. Sometimes some battles have to be lost so that the war can be won. Sometimes one has to take a break and rejuvinate oneself.

I have realized that I have finally grown up. When we are content in just changing ourselves and don't go  about trying to change the world. When we accept that we are indeed nothing and are thankful in whatever change we can bring about in our daily lives, When our confidence is no longer out there on anybody's face but shimmers inside, in our heart - I guess then we are officially grownup.

Am I just being cynical now?

Miss you


  1. Lists can be a real help Rahmath, like you pointed out it gives a good feeling to tick the things off once they are done :) Well winter means that heater is put to use a lot and we realised that just last month when our power bill also doubled, same pinch on that, nothing we can do about it though for the temperature falls below zero quite regularly and even when the day is at its warmest it is a mere 5 or 6C... Am really waiting for spring :)
    Worry about crossing the teenage bridge when you get there, for now savor the joys of an adorable baby. Loved the way you characterised a grown-up.

    1. ya i am waiting for march too. summers are very hot here so the transition months are the best here.



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