Monday, April 28, 2014

12:09 to 12:36

Time : 12:09 am
State of mind: Tired. I want to sleep. But I want to blog too.
What I did today?
Lots, cleaned, cooked a good meal, got half rid of some clutter but most of all bought my first sleeveless top.

And why that's a big deal?

Will tell you.

I have never been interested in clothes. I am a bored shopper. I get nauseous when I have too many options. I literally run away when one has to buy jewellery. The only time I was interested in clothes was maybe when I was some 8 or 9. My friend had a beautiful sleevelss frock. And  I wanted one too. I asked my mom. She refused. Strict ideas of dressing and all that. After that maybe I was molded that way, I never cared while growing up. If at all I cared about dresses, it would be just a phase. I think I was more about having the freedom to dress the way you want (which I didn't have) than the actual dressing. I used to put eyeliner, mascara, but I always felt it to be a head ache. I don't think I dressed shabbily, but more than once friends have asked me to dress a bit more you know....I am petty comfortable wearing the same thing for the shopping market/wedding.

It worked pretty well for me till some two months ago. The people who loved me knew me. And then they got scattered. Around two month ago something came around our present circle which made me feel as if .....well I don't know how to explain. I have always admired people who could spend so much time for themselves. Really, that requires commitment. I know cause I don't have it. but I guess maybe I was dismissive also somewhere. A chance comment in a judgmental tone, hurt my ego and it made me write a post. I was careful not to show the hurt but in the end the judgmental me did come forward. And after that I felt bad. I try not to be judgmental.  I wondered whether it was a case of sour grapes as these people thought. I have never even tried to dress differently. How do I know whether I like it or not? Maybe I cant wear them. Maybe I AM very self conscious. Maybe. I don't know. I have never tried.

So this year I found my resolution. I am going to try new dressings, new styles, makeup, I am going to try things which I never did because I did not think they were worth the effort (Society , elder 's thoughts, Image and all that. Why cross them for something which is not even important to one??? That was my reasoning). When the year ends, I will decide whether I want to continue or that the experiment should become a part of my life. It's been two months and frankly speaking, though I have started using products more frequently,bought two extra pairs of footwear which btw hurt my heels( I firmly believed one pair serve all purposes. now I have five or six. I did have two extra pairs earlier which I rarely used, Had bought them during one of my phases!), scouring shops for tops,tunics, following fashion blogs.... I am still not into it. I do it and I try to do it well, but it still has not come from the heart.

Lets see....

I wonder if I will last the year.

Hearing Elvis Presly. Never heard him before. God! how come? I wonder now.
What a voice...
Time 12:36am.

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