Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Letters to my diary 24.11.2015

Dear diary,

guess what ? Got a new laptop. You remember how my acer broke the day before Aman was born? So at last i have got the replacement. I had to get it because there was so much to study in office and no laptop from there to bring home. Hopefully I will utilize this for that purpose also. Hubby is using this more actually. But then that's because his computer is kaput. He is buying his desired components one by one using his hard won prize money for the outstanding performance of the year in his office. Yes my love, I am excessively proud of him. He would have never bought the computer parts he needed otherwise. I convinced him that he deserved to have something he loved out of the money.

We had gone for our half yearly vacation this November second and third week. It was a very good vacation. Normally by the tenth day, I am all ready to come back to my home and do my work. This time  did not want to come at all. Aman fell sick though in the last couple of days. So I had to extend my holiday by two days. He had to have antibiotics from yesterday. The temperature is under control so i guess the antibiotics is working.

I am yet to get used to this keyboard . there are too many mistakes in my sentences. Of course you will not know how much because i intend to do spell check.

Aman's communication skills has increased a lot after going to Trivandrum. He still talks in Hindi though he communicates even more now. WE showed him the alphabet cards yesterday and I was amazed at the amount of words he knew. I underestimated him.

That he won everybody's hearts with his good behaviour is no surprise. After all he is the grandson of both KSM and MAJ.

 We had intended to do one of both Amma and Atha's procedures. Amma's was done and results were satisfactory. She can stop having one of the medicines she was having which means she is mentally a bit more prepared for the knee surgery which we hope to have in March InshaAllah. Father's procedure we could not do because it became too much of a hurry burry and the doctor was not there the week we were at my home. Hopefully he will do it this week end. FIL has said he will take atha and go. If he will be able to do that it will be a very big relief.

I saw a lot of butterflies this time.It was rainy season too . So i had my hearts desire this time. I did not want to o come back to Gurgaon to this rat race again.

I am finding it difficult to type in this laptop. need to get used to it.
Stopping for now

Love Rahmath.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Memory exercise day 1

Morning I got up at 6:30. decided not to walk today as was not feeling very well. So I put the tea and hubby went to get somethings from the market, I think rent and milk and garlic and ginger. Didi just had to make 4 parantha s so i asked her if she could clean the mixie. She did a lot more than that. I made puris for Aman, paneer cubes fry and toasted bread with plain omlette. packed it  and went to bath. Hubby had already taken Aman to bath but he really didnot want to. However with me helping he bath without much fuss. Hubby wrapped him up and kept him on the bed to have his quiet time. Meanwhile hubby bought food for me and while i was having it Aman showed gestures indicating he wanted to have it too so I fed him. That's quite rare and Aman normally breakfasts in his daycare. So i did not care about being a bit later than usual for office. Thank god for flexible timing.

Reached office. waved a good bye kiss to hubby. It was almost intersepted by another guy. He looked at me weirdly. I did not care. I will wave a kiss to my husband anywhere anytime. If we were not in India. I may even kiss him. Why should I not?

Lots of work in office. Actaully i need to tell my line manager about the plan. went through the AIP. Found out new new codes to explore. The enormity of designing within one month hit me. Nope Not reasonable. Anyhow had a discussion on relationship between x/d ratio and the the section being under reinforced or over reinforced. Found out why a particular formula may not have a particular value. Re checked a document and explained the corrections to a collegue. Gave a checked document to the reviewer.

Decided to make a checklist of things to do and the time required. But maybe I may need some orientation time for that. So maybe i will be doing that at home in the weekend.

Had a discussion on the methodology to use in a steel encased deck which may or maynot have reinforcement. Awkward situation arose, it did not affect me that much i guess because i was already working in something else also.

Took printout of the 1994 code and got out. was a bit late. there was lots of traffic. warned the auto driver not to go wrong side else just drop me there. so he went the right side. did do a not so allowed shortcut though. Well I need to select my battles. Atleast it was not wrong side.

reached home at 5;30. Gave clothes for ironing and went to call aman. Aman was given juice and he held it in his hands until we got home. Then he sat and drank it and then played with  his cycle and then did something. And while he was doing it hubby came so I asked hubby to deal with the something. Was still not feeling very well so asked hubby to make me tea if possible. as we needed to go to cut aman's hair. Anwarji was not there so we decided to cut it when he came back as he had done a good job last time. I threaded though and it looks weird. But the good thing about hair its just one month deal. after a month it no longer matters. it grows out. Then went to give two of my suits to stitch. I confused the guy with my measurements. It is huge measurements but what to do my stomach is that big . and I do tie my pants quite high.

Then i went and gave my two other clothes for minor stitching and came back. Aman did not want to come back so he threw a tantrum. My didi had already come . Told her to make rice. Hubby told her to make any curry she wanted. and i told her to fry 4 pieces of fish. Then I and hubby did our assigned chores and he helped m eout in one chore. then we sat to see mastechef and I though I will do this exercise to sharpen my memory which has suffered a lot possibly due to my lack of sleep.

Aman is watching Tayo.

I have dipped my legs in a bucket of water and it feels good.

Hope this exercise works.
Always had a good memory when I used to write diary.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

50 questions.

I have been trying to write a blog for such a long time and its been really really difficult. I think I can call up a stranger and talk to him/her  far more easily than I can write a blog.

Life is going good however something is not right. I came to this post which says answering these 50 questions will free my mind.

Lets see if it does.

1. How old would you be if you did-not know how old you are?

My instinct was 17 but then settled for 22 (I like being an adult)

2 Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Definitely not trying. Though yes failing as far as possible would be avoided.

3. If life is so short, why do we do things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?

I guess we don't do most things we like because of fear. Maybe we are confused as to what happiness is. Maybe doing those things will harm the chances of survival. for eg. I would like to take a break. But I am afraid, it will be far more difficult to grow in my career after two years. I would like to go for a trip alone, I am afraid I may fall sick or someone will harm me. I would like to learn dancing. I don't want to do it alone. And yes sometimes I am plain LAZY. 

And maybe we like so many things we don't do because we don't do it. I loved my 101 things in 1001 days, I understood what my actual likes were and what was just the case of grass being green on the other side,

4.When all is said and done will you have said more than you have done?


5.Which is the one thing you would like to change about the world.?

Priorities. We need to be more closer to nature.

6. If happiness was the natural currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

Serving others.

7.Are you doing what you believe in or are you settling for something you are doing?

I am settling for something I am doing.

8.If the average life span was 40 years, how would you life your life differently?

I wouldn't have. Ya .Maybe I would have quit my job providing I have money in the bank to get me though.

9.To what degree have you actually controlled the course that life has taken?

Only once but that was a tremendously important one.

10.Are you more worried about doing things right or doing the right things?

Doing the right things.

(preferably the right way)

11. You are having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start critizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. what would you do?

I would declare the fact that this particular person is very close friend. If these people are someone who I respect and admire, I would defend my friend cause maybe they are ignorant of something. But if their criticism was distasteful, chances are that my respect and admiration would have gone notches down. I would just make them know that I wouldn't listen to nonsense about my friend.

12. If you could offer a newborn child one piece of advice what would it be?

You are born with infinite wisdom which the world tries to make you forget when you grow. Hold on to that wisdom somehow.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

If the loved one did not do anything wrong and I am totally convinced the law is being misused and that there is no other way, YES.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?


15. Whats something you know you do differently than other people.

I don't say things I don't believe in just to fit in.

16. How come the things that make you happy don't make everyone happy?

if it is something I do :Because the people who are not happy don't understand that its none of their **** business.

if it is something I like: Well everybody has different choices don't they?

17.Whats one thing you have not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?

Quit my job and take care of my family.
I don't want to be financially dependent. More importantly I don't want my love to be a shackle.

18. Are you holding on to something you need to let go off?

Yes. Unfortunately, every time I let it go, It is handed back to me.

19. If you had to move to a state or a country other than the one you are currently where would you live and why?

Karnataka. for practical reasons.

20.Do you push the elevator button more than once. Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

No and No.

21.Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?

A joyful Simpleton.

22.Why are you, you?

Because I am perfect for him.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want in a friend?

Unfortunately NO
24. Which is worse, a good friend moving away or losing touch with a good friend who live right near you?

Losing touch with a good friend who lives right near me.

25. What are you most grateful for?

My family.

26. Would you rather lose all your old memories or never be able to make new?

I would rather lose all my memories

27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?

No.... almost always.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?


29. Do you remember the time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it matter now?

It doesn't matter now but that is because it mattered then. If i was not that upset, it would have rankled now also.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?

Riding by bicycle all over the colony and collecting treasures. I was free and I was with nature.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

If i knew the answer , I wouldn't be even answering these questions in the first place.

However, may the second half of my Norway project.

32. If not now then when?

When Aman becomes a bit more independent, Is five ambitious?

33.If you haven't achieved it yet what do you have to lose.

Nothing actually.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?


35.Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

Because they become a puppet in the hands of power hungry people. Unfortunately we don't actually understand their language so it s easy to misinterpret.

36. Is it possible to know without doubt what is good and what is evil?

Yes.... if you still have some iota of that infinite wisdom you were born with the part which has not been yet corrupted by the prejudices we learn while we grow.

37.If you just won a million dollars would you quit your job?


38. Would you rather have less work to do or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More work I actually enjoy doing

39. Do you feel like you have lived this day a hundred times before?


40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of the idea you strongly believed in?

July 1st 2010.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?

I would take my family and visit my parents.( would tell the hubby so that he can chose who he wants to visit.)

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?


43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?

You would not be wondering about this question if you were truly alive.

44. When is the time to stop calculating risks and rewards and just go ahead and do whats right?

The moment you know whats right.

45.If we learn from our mistakes why are we so afraid to make a mistake?

Because maybe sometimes the lessons may come too late to be of any future use.

46. What would you do differently if you knew no body would judge you?

Tough one. I would cut off certain people fro my life entirely. But I think I am more worried about the situation becoming awkward than about being judged.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

Right now.

48.What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?

Walking in some green trail.


49.5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? or the day before? or the day before that?

Unfortunately no

50. decisions are being made right now. the question is: are you making them for yourself or are you letting others make them for you?

If I am letting other people make decisions for me, is it not still my decision to let them make it for me.

It is ALWAYS ones decision.

Maybe there should be one more question.

51. Do you have the will to make decisions for yourself. If you don't , Why?

Did this help me?

Atleast I wrote after a long time.