Sunday, July 23, 2017

The stranger in the mirror.

Today a friend from the past called. Just calling her a friend from the past isn't justice to her, She was practically the love of my life for some time and we still are in touch. We talk quite rarely, once a year or so but every time we talk, we TALK.

We talked about our hobbies and she asked me, What about you Rahmath do you find time to paint now? I was taken back for a moment because its been a long time since that aspect had left my life.
And I wondered...

and she asked me ...did I find time to read? and I said sometimes..... and I thought thanks god at least THAT, I have not changed. But thinking a bit more, a nagging doubt comes; is it because my husband is also a voracious reader?

I remembered a gift I got around two years ago when another very close friend of mine came for a visit. She gifted me a book of poems. I was surprised. Very. Why? I wondered to myself. She said giving it. "You used to write so many poems so I thought you would enjoy this."

That time too I wondered...

I had recently gone shopping to buy dress for my brother in law's engagement. Every time I buy a dress for a function, my in law's hypothetical opinion, keeps looming on top of my head. Invariably I always end by buying what I think or hope they would like, rather than something I would actually choose. While I would be complimented, I would always feel as if it was someone else wearing the dress and not actually me.

This time however, by luck, by chance, I could go out with my sister. We selected a pastel green with embroidery and I wore it for her to see. And she loved it. She said it was so me. And I bought it. I doubt I would have bought it otherwise, it may not have got through the filter of my diffidence. It was exactly the type of dress, the color I used to wear when I was just me. Soft, Subtle, Elegant.

Isn't the change so subtle that we don't even realize when it happened? And then suddenly you look in the mirror and see a stranger looking back at you.

I saw the amazon advert today on #mombeagirlagain. I wonder... is it being a mother which changed you ? or did the change begin even before that...







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